Mycelium

jæger

 

It’s the mushrooms days. I think its my favorite time of the year; walking in the dense, deep, damp of autumn, scouting, head bend to towards the ground, the animal senses. Then home to slice the mushrooms and place them on the drying rack over the stove.
Stews and sauces. Soups and chili con carne.

Maybe its raining just a little bit outside. The occasional ray of sun. Hazelnuts falling from the trees like small bombs, the very visible debris of a squirrel having cracked open a pine nut, I think I can hear raven. The wild boars are oddly absent these days but I follow their narrow tracks through the under forest. Some bones here. Some bones there. And then of course the endless amount of rocks and boulders whom are, in case you didn´t know, alive, a different sort of animal, it´s just that time is different for the rocks and the boulders… but I see the shape of their faces and their strange looks too. A sea of soft moss.

A lot of things are happening in my life and I don´t understand, not at all. I feel disoriented but not as I used to be, this is different, I feel like I have just been born. With my eyes I look around and I try to make sense of things but I don’t know who I am or where I am or what I am supposed to be doing or where I should go now.
As the older kids have moved away from home I sort of wake up only to realize that I am not at all the same person I was before I had them. I don’t even remember that person.
I´ve spendt the last 23 years metaphorically around the fire but I´m not the caretaker of the fire anymore, I think, I think I am the hunter and the gather, I walk and I wander – but I don´t know to whom I should bring the kill.

Then I realized, this morning, gathering mushrooms; maybe i´m not supposed to feed the flock anymore?
And I became terrified.
Went home. Lit the fire in the giant, giant, giant baking oven made from rocks and boulders. Sliced the mushrooms, placed them on the rack, drank a cup of coffee, stong, black and bitter, opened my computer to found a political party (I´m the thinking “the writers climate party”), write a book, invite women for a women circle, a basisgroup, a ritual, write a column for the newspaper, finish an essay for an anthology of women occultists, do some marketing for my völva work, write some friends, update my homepage, send some invoices, research how to do an audiobook (of the forest book), read the newspapers, check instagram, also I´m considering founding a mentor network and/or apply for a real job and then checking where the next activists events will take place, this restless energy, I want to do MORE, why I am not doing MORE, where can I do MORE.
Or just anything, really, I can´t sit still.

I´ve tried to initiate many events during the last year. Workshops and seminars, initiatives and collaborations. None of it toke off, things got in the way, listen, listen to the universe; “Where is the energy, where is the luck, where is the lack of resistance?”

What I am trying to say right now is that the mushrooms are all connected underneath the soil, connecting by mycelium to each other and to the trees, under the soil there is communication and it’s a murmur. If you listen very carefully, if you lay down and place your ear to the ground you can hear it, I´ve heard it, i just forget all the time or maybe I don’t want to hear it.
“Where is the energy, where is the luck, where is the lack of resistance?”

The hardest thing I have ever done is to do nothing. And I don´t believe in it anyways- but maybe things are be to be done to me now? Or maybe I must sharpen my senses, listen more carefully, sniff, feel, hear.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait for the prey.
Run!

I surrender to the mushroom days.

moskrammer

13 Comments

  1. Good morning Andrea. It’s early morning here where I am right now. Just going to sit down to a breakfast of steamed fresh potatoes (dug them out of the ground by flashlight half an hour ago), onions, and farm fresh eggs. Reading this post stirs something in me to be a better writer. You have a gift of a wordsmith. thought you should know your last post (I think it was the previous one) caused me to make a decision to step back from my time in the Internet. To put it on pause. I’ve intentionally chosen to quit filling my head with a large block of what I used to regularly read to stay “informed.” Need to keep this short, Breakfast will get cold. 😉 ..just wanted you to know that your words challenged me. later! DM

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know when I first read this comment I was overwhelmed with such a love for you and all the people here who have commented through time. I find it so amazing that we are living these little lives, far apart, and yet sometimes share these moments of sheer human connection. Like saying “goodmorning” acros empty space and actually knowing someone in the other end will hear you and reply “and goodmorning to you too!”

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I am feeling somewhat restless, too, at this moment in my life even though things are happening all around me, with me and through me. Interesting that it is so hard to be still when, I think, that is often what I need – more so in my mind than physically. I love the photo of Sigird hugging the moss. I like to do that, too. Maybe that’s what I need to do today. I hope writing in this space eases some of your restlessness as I, selfishly, enjoy your words and they always cause me to think and ponder.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I wish I had the knowledge to recognise which mushrooms are good to eat. They are out there now in abundance now the rain has returned. But my fear and ignorance means I cannot be a hunter gatherer like you. And that saddens me. Here on the island of old Albion, we remained hunter gatherers for longer than mainland Europe. Was that transition to agriculture the beginning of our disconnection from Nature? As ever, your writing sparks lots of thoughts and associations. “where is the energy, where is the luck, where is the lack of resistance?” I love that.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Me too. I feel like I have the 10th of the knowledge my ancestors have and it dosnt go very far back. Even when I think of my grandmother; all the things she knew that I dont know about. These changes have come so fast. i say that to myself sometimes when I feel bad. It all happened very, very fast! Even within my lifetime so much happened (the internet happened).
      I have been reading about the agricultural revolution and gone through some emotions about it- spanning from hate to acceptance to wonder to…. all kinds of feelings. It all makes sense now. It makes sense how monoteism was an inevitable consequence and so on.
      Thank you for your comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. YOU remember the FIRST e-mail i WROTE to YOU A long time ago ABOUT A vision
    WELL the time has COME, change is at the DOOR for THIS WORLD
    THERE is NO more time, NOW We ALL must REAP WHAT We have SOWN
    For THOSE WHO have SPEND THEIR time WELL and CLEANED THEIR HOUSE
    GUIDANCE WILL BE at HAnd and PROTECTION given
    ONCE it FIRST starts THERE is NO STOPPING it, EVERYTHING
    OUT of balance WILL FALL and FALL HARD
    Just BECAUSE We GOT AWAY WITH ALL the HORRORS for so long
    The foolish THOUGHT THERE WILL NEVER BE REAL CONSEQUENCES
    WELL the CONSEQUENCES ARE NOW at the DOOR
    WHAT YOU FEEL is true, NO man has BEEN IN THIS time and space BEFORE
    Of IN DOUBT BE quiete and listen INSIDE for GUIDANCE
    OR Else ask THUNDERBOY HE KNOWS THE WAY
    THERE IS A MIGHTY RECONING AFOT
    THE SPARK THAT LIGHTS THE WORLD ON FIRE
    WILL BE LIT IN THE LAND THAT LET US DOWN
    Look to the WEST
    I WILL SEE YOU IN THAT PLACE i told YOU about
    DO WELL IN the COMING DAYS and WEEKS
    DONT INGAGE and DONT REACT
    THEN nothing CAN HURT YOU
    REACT to THIS massages HOW EVER YOU please
    It CHANGES nothing, WHEELS ARE IN motion
    It is MERELY A FRIENDLY HEADS UP
    THIS is WHY We ALL CAME HERE
    To finish the job ONCE and for ALL

    Like

  5. AN EARTH QUAKE WAS FELT IN JUTLAND
    TODAY, THE DAY OF THE SON AT 11:00
    DO YOU STILL DOUBT IF MY WORDS ARE TRUE
    WELL THEN WE JUST HAVE TO CRANCK IT UP
    A NUDGE OR TEN, WAIT TILL YOU SEE WHAT WILL
    HAPPEN ON THE DAY OF THE MOON,
    WHEN IT COMES PEOPLE WILL SHOUT AND CRY
    PLEASE STOP, PLEASE STOP WE ARE NOT READY
    ALL THIS IS HAPPENING WAY TO SOON
    OH BUT IT IS FAR FROM OVER YET
    WE HAVE MORE DAYS AND CHARACTER
    WHO WANT TO DILIVER THEIR BALANCING BLOW
    JUDGMENT IS COMMING WE THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW
    THESE DAYS ARE COMMING,
    DAY OF THE BULL, WODINS DAY, A THUNDER CLAP
    FREIAS ARCH, SATURNS RINGS …. ROUND AND ROUND WE GO
    PEOPLE WILL LOOSE THEIR MINDS, BUT THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS
    WHEN YOU WILL NOT FACE YOUR SELF AND REAP ALL THAT YOU HAVE SOWN
    COLOUR ME CARZY AND INSANE, I DONT GIVE A RATS ASS
    COS I HAVE ALREADY DELT WITH MY PAIN AND SO HAVE YOU
    THIS WAS PART OF OUR MISSION, WHAT WE CAME HERE TO DO
    CLEAN THE UNHOLY MESS WE MADE ALL THE ENERGY IN MOTION
    LOST IN THE MILKY WAY AFTER THE COLLISION AND BIG EXPLOTION

    Like

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