I´ve been wanting to write this post for quite some time but I guess I’ve been making it too big a deal, I guess I’ve made this blog into something that is not the free space that I wanted it to be, I guess it’s been difficult for numerous reasons and I didn’t know where to begin but let me begin, let me rip that bandage right off:
This is where we’ve been living for the last couple of months.
It´s a beautiful little farmhouse in the middle of a mild forest, there’s a lake and I love it. I´ve connected with the land here in a way I only remember from my childhood. I´m home.
We rented the farmhouse believing that we could lease it long term – but the owner now wants to sell and we don’t have the money to buy.
( I want to say that the owners are real sweet people they just had a new dream and need money to make it come true)
This is the stuff nightmares are made of and truth be told (I tell the truth) I panicked.
I wrote many desperate emails and had many desperate meetings, even considered going into politics; as an anarchist that´s a STORY, I thought to myself, and stories SELL.
I’m one of those people who’ve moved around a lot and you know, sometimes it´s not about my flaky personality or due to some sort of moral deficit in my brain- often it has been about money. Giving my xhusband the house that I owned with him was a stupid move considered that I haven’t been able to own anything since. I can´t borrow money (being an artist/not having a steady income/being a rewilder) and I don’t have people in my life who can help me that way.
Yeah, we are free spirits and all and yeah we can be flexible and move within minutes, we can relocate and we can build a home anywhere, we’re not bound by anything… we are the nomads, looking for better grazing grounds, always.
Ever since we went into the wild five years ago our life has been about finding the BETTER place. Sun in the wintertime, fertile soil, access to water. We know more. We constantly learn.
We’ve relocated within the wilderness, several times, and now we have moved to the south of Sweden because of these very clear reasons:
Coming from Denmark northern Sweden was exotic- and tough. We needed to live in a natural environment that we were more familiar with not at least in regards of foraging and gardening. The winters were long and lonely and we were too far away from our kids who are now more or less based in Copenhagen. And the little income we have is generated mostly through Denmark too. Last but not least: five years ago we didn’t have any choices. Our move into the wild had to do with desperation. We have choice now. Our life circumstances need to reflect these choices.
So we rented the little red farmhouse and began building a life here, bought some animals, cleared some land, found friends.
Sigurd has begun school (homeschooling is illegal in Sweden) and much to my relief he is really enjoying it.
Maybe I didn’t want to be a free spirit anymore. Maybe I was tired. Maybe I wanted to settle.
All of the places we have lived, all of the cabins we have built in the wild, have been on land that we didn´t own.
We have made personal relationships and we have lived off generous people sharing their land with us. It’s been a reciprocal relationship, a kind of barter- we have provided something in return, like the opportunity of supporting the arts or us taking care of the land or stories or hard work or friendship or a sense of excitement because “something is happening now”.
This is the way it is and this is way it must be – if you don’t have any money.
Being dependent on people have not been bothered us, actually we have prefered these personal relationships over a potential relationship with a bank- banks don’t have faces. Banks don’t have feelings.
The downside of being dependent on personal relationships however is that things change and you need to be able to accept that… to live like this.
(first rule of the forest; everything changes)
It´s not always that easy.
It´s not always a “winner-story”. Sometimes it´s a “looser-story”.
Exposed, stressed, worried, uncertain. These emotions are an integral part of this lifestyle – and I write about it, I WANT to write about it because it’s both underreported and important to know (if you want to make this transition).
Sometimes it fucking hurts. Sometimes you don’t know what to do.
We have done this five years now.
We are EXPERIENCED… and I want to share this with you because what we always do when it hurts is the same.
We turn to nature.
We make primitive what is complex.
We are staying in this area. This area was given to us, this is still a gift.
Truth be told we became lazy, the little red house has electricity (my god, a fridge; what a wonderful way to storage food!) our kids began joking about us having retired, and it did bother us that we hadn’t built it ourselves, everything served on a silver platter.
But we needed the break. We needed to catch our breath, five years in the wild had exhausted us and I was not happy, I couldn’t find happiness anywhere. I´ve found it now.
I´ve been uplifted by gods and I have bathed in gold (yeah yeah it´s too much, I’m too much) but it’s true. I NEEDED this. Reconnection. Rebirth.
And now I need to do something WITH it.
We are going to buy a small piece of land.
We cannot, no longer, be dependent on the personal relationships. It´s a good way to start though. I recommend you start there- no matter if you have money or not. I´m ideologically against owning land- I don’t think land can be owned at all- but we do want to settle now.
We’re getting older. Constantly adapting is becoming harder to do.
We’re going to buy a piece of land and we’re going to build a life there, living in a tepee, building a cabin, doing everything all over again… for the third time.
I think that’s an important thing for you to know; most people that I´ve heard of who´s done this, does not succeed in first take.
It´s a struggle. It takes time.
“How does one do it?” you asked me and I said yadi yadi and I told the story in retrospect.
This time the story will be in real time.
Knowing what we know now… I believe we have some insights and some experience to share and I believe in sharing, I do, I hold on to that, I BELIEVE in open source. But I also know that our story must not be made into our income. I wont make myself dependent on telling the story.
It´s too hard. It´s too exposed.
I will not do this for the money, the recognition, for the popularity or the help.
I’m still very thankful for your support on patreon (warms my heart) but I am making this blog into the free space that I originally wanted it to be.
I’m reclaiming my story.
Yesterday I went to visit the local witch.
There’s always a local witch, everywhere. There was one in Värmland and there is one here.
I think it´s a pretty good place to begin.
Visit the witch. She knows the area. She will help you.