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I notice how my blogging changes depending on the seasons.
I see nothing wrong with this- but it took me a couple of years not to see anything wrong with this, given that consistency and continuity seems to be such important traits and attributions in our modern culture.
But I change.
I always have.
I used to be sick because of it, I used to take small white pills to avoid these changes (I call them fluctuations now)
Because I didn´t have TIME to be depressed or to lose my words, I didn´t have TIME to be in a manic state of productivity, either or, none of it was ok.
Steady. Steady as she goes.

Since I have aligned myself with my fluctuations things have changed a lot.
For instance I can do more than just go with flow now. I can actually tap into the energy I need at a given time. Maybe I feel depressed, tired, sleepy (as I often do in the time exactly between late summer and early autumn) but then I have trained myself into action… when feeling tired I tap into the energy of spring (which is always there, the energies are always there), I plant seeds, I make plans. I go do the dirty work that needs to be done. I WORK. `till I hurt.
And when I´m hectic, hectic as hell, I have trained myself to tap into the energy of winter, I remember to go for long walks, to force my mind down into my hands… the labor of the hands, the things that needs to be done, the practical stuff, not the abstract. These things keep me alive.
Other times I just allow myself to feel whatever I´m feeling and it seems to works wonders for my mental dispositions, I´m just saying, our minds are not fields that can be tamed nor plowed.

Around fall I get super emotional.
The world becomes deeper, colors more intense, life, death. I FEEL this change. Getting ready for winter is a mental excercise as well as a practical one (the roof needs fixing, the well must be prepared (insulated), harvest all of the last crops, organize the pantry, collect all tools lying around, dig the soil, firewood, firewood, firewood). And as I work with these practicalities my mind goes less cloudy, pristine now, blue mountains, still, deep water on the lake, calm. I calm myself. “It´s ok” I say in the face of death “I´m ok”

This kind of calmness is wordless.
So I turn to pictures. I seem to do that every year.
Me and thunderboy went camping in the tipi, we just needed to get away for a little while, into the wild.

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It´s a tent-tipi. It has an oven. We use it year-round (as you can tell by the fabric). I sat in that chair for hours just staring.

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At this (if you turn your head upside down it looks like a pathway to heaven)

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As the darkness fell he ran around playing… as he does.

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We chopped of spruce branches to insulate the floor (carpets to walk on) but he didn´t seem to care, maybe he´s lived here for so long now that spruce dosn´t really bother him anymore. It smelled really good though.. the spruce. Very calming.

And then dinner, every night the same; pasta.
Laying on that bed listening to the rain for hours.

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Laying by that light reading, for hours.

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It was really nice.
And the greatest part of it all was that we didn´t have to go very far to get into nature and away from it all because our tipi is located just outside our little cabin in the wild, just by the camp fire. This was the view in the morning.

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It seems as if we have all we need. It seems we are as ready as can get.

8 comments on “I´m ok

  1. Nils says:

    Kære Andrea
    Undskyld mig for en lille pedantisk kommentar: Dit telt er ikke en tipi men der i mod en Lavvu som er den nordiske variant, af samisk oprindelse. Lavvuen er kendetegnet ved kun at have en stang i midten. Tipien (men også store lavvuer) har træstammer, der står i en cirkel og er samlet i toppen. Dette gør dog ikke dit telt mindre herligt. Jeg er selv indehaver af en lavvu, og nyder den i fulde drag.
    Bedste hilsner
    Nils

    Like

    1. Kære Niels, yup, det er rigtigt hvad du siger, jeg kalder det dog en tipi fordi selve denne model/type HEDDER tenttipi (selvom det er en lavvu) 🙂 http://www.tentipi.com/home

      Like

  2. BeeHappee says:

    Well then, you made me think of this, for you and Jeppe:

    Like

  3. Olive says:

    I completely relate to the looking death in the eye, as it were, and being OK. Finding a way to be OK with it all. It is hard, and it did take alot of work to get here….and as you said, some days are much more difficult? Sad? Non productive? I love that you share with us how you have matured and changed from medicating to being OK with reality. The tent (tipi, Sami tent, whatever) is lovely, especially with the woodstove inside! My girls would LOOOOOOOVE somthing like this! Perfect for pondering and preparing as you have done. The best way to spend your time, I think 😉 we are still having 40c days and looking forward to the fall….and we can feel the changes even with the heat. Many of the same tasks; enjoy your beautiful forest and the changing of the seasons. It is a blessing to be able to slow down and do just that.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ananda says:

    Oh yes, staring for hours, everything is just ok

    “Primal Breath”

    Look the herons in the greenbilled water
    Their wet-ash wings wear medallions of patience
    We drift on…
    We have stories as old as the great seas
    Break through the chest
    Flying out the mouth
    Noisy tongues that once were silenced
    All the oceans we contain, coming to light

    All the dark birds rush from the river
    Leaving only the stillness of their language
    There are no clocks to measure time
    But the beating of our single hearts
    You will know it is winter
    By the way your dreams tremble like stones
    When the wind comes through
    The wind, full of hearts that beat quick and strong

    Like

    1. David says:

      This is a beautiful poem! Did you write it?

      Like

  5. Bill says:

    Maybe thunderboy has it right. As darkness fall, let’s run around playing.

    Like

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