I notice how my blogging changes depending on the seasons.
I see nothing wrong with this- but it took me a couple of years not to see anything wrong with this, given that consistency and continuity seems to be such important traits and attributions in our modern culture.
But I change.
I always have.
I used to be sick because of it, I used to take small white pills to avoid these changes (I call them fluctuations now)
Because I didn´t have TIME to be depressed or to lose my words, I didn´t have TIME to be in a manic state of productivity, either or, none of it was ok.
Steady. Steady as she goes.
Since I have aligned myself with my fluctuations things have changed a lot.
For instance I can do more than just go with flow now. I can actually tap into the energy I need at a given time. Maybe I feel depressed, tired, sleepy (as I often do in the time exactly between late summer and early autumn) but then I have trained myself into action… when feeling tired I tap into the energy of spring (which is always there, the energies are always there), I plant seeds, I make plans. I go do the dirty work that needs to be done. I WORK. `till I hurt.
And when I´m hectic, hectic as hell, I have trained myself to tap into the energy of winter, I remember to go for long walks, to force my mind down into my hands… the labor of the hands, the things that needs to be done, the practical stuff, not the abstract. These things keep me alive.
Other times I just allow myself to feel whatever I´m feeling and it seems to works wonders for my mental dispositions, I´m just saying, our minds are not fields that can be tamed nor plowed.
Around fall I get super emotional.
The world becomes deeper, colors more intense, life, death. I FEEL this change. Getting ready for winter is a mental excercise as well as a practical one (the roof needs fixing, the well must be prepared (insulated), harvest all of the last crops, organize the pantry, collect all tools lying around, dig the soil, firewood, firewood, firewood). And as I work with these practicalities my mind goes less cloudy, pristine now, blue mountains, still, deep water on the lake, calm. I calm myself. “It´s ok” I say in the face of death “I´m ok”
This kind of calmness is wordless.
So I turn to pictures. I seem to do that every year.
Me and thunderboy went camping in the tipi, we just needed to get away for a little while, into the wild.
It´s a tent-tipi. It has an oven. We use it year-round (as you can tell by the fabric). I sat in that chair for hours just staring.
At this (if you turn your head upside down it looks like a pathway to heaven)
As the darkness fell he ran around playing… as he does.
We chopped of spruce branches to insulate the floor (carpets to walk on) but he didn´t seem to care, maybe he´s lived here for so long now that spruce dosn´t really bother him anymore. It smelled really good though.. the spruce. Very calming.
And then dinner, every night the same; pasta.
Laying on that bed listening to the rain for hours.
Laying by that light reading, for hours.
It was really nice.
And the greatest part of it all was that we didn´t have to go very far to get into nature and away from it all because our tipi is located just outside our little cabin in the wild, just by the camp fire. This was the view in the morning.