Memories

I was born in the town of Skive located by the fjord called Lim (Limfjord).
I was born by a blue-eyed gypsy on one side, an ambitious woman on the other, we were constantly moving, striving.
I was a sensitive child. My children have inherited this from me. Quivering antennas. We´re trees.
Like all trees we have roots. Like all trees we have leaves. Sucking up the sun, moved by the wind, buried in the soil, stretching… deeper.

Yesterday the world was soo big.
The sky… rippled. Stretchmark and waves, cloudy visions.
The air…. tense. The soil… warm.
I was walking in my favorite forest, a place I used to call… mine.
The giant full moon was smeared out on the heavens, a dance of red and blue and I remembered.
Who I am.

Nature is sacred. Nature is not sacred.
Breathe in.
It just IS.

When I´m lost I find comfort in nature, I get found. Not because nature has an opinion about me (thank god that it dosn´t) but because I REMEMBER.
To remember.
It makes me remember.

Maybe memories are sacred.

A long while ago, before we moved to the wild woods of Värmland, Sweden Jeppe and I moved back to the area where we were both born.

This used to be our fire pit
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This used to be our home

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This used to be ours

… but it´s not anymore.

Everything is overgrown now, taken back by nature.
Hunters planted willows on the holy hills, blackberries climb the roof, the fire pit is merely a hollow now.
One thing is the same though. These volcanic layers. We used to live on this beach, we used to walk it all the time, these layers of time… all of the time.

DSCF3702

I don´t know what to say now.

I miss the place I come from.
I wish we didn´t have to leave.
I know that we did. I wish we could come back. I don´t think we can.

Living in nature has taught me that everything changes. All of the time.
I was detached from this fact, I was estranged from it, I have been taught to aim for continuity. The constant.
But no.
Everything changes.
All of the time.

It´s not all of the time I´m cool with it.

*

As you know I´m back on social media.
This is my Danish profile and this is my english (feel free to add me)

I´m back on social media for a number of reason, some of the reasons I tried to explain a couple of days ago on my Danish profile. A reader, one of you, wrote to me following my explanations. She was hurt. She said that she has been a long time reader and that she didn´t feel like I acknowledged the support. Ice. Cold. Chock.
I´ve been thinking about it.

She didn´t want to hear about my reactions to the reactions we get (on our story), she only wanted to hear about our life in the forest. I disagree with that and I can´t comply, I think this is a HUGE part of going off grid and living differently (the reactions you get, the social pressure) and I think it´s important that this story is told TOO.
But the fact remains.
I´ve been so busy striving, stretching, moving, I´ve been too busy explaining, trying to understand, I´ve been working too hard and I have been focusing on a sense of being attacked. We can argue whether this sense is realistic or not (and what to do about it)  but the fact remain that my long time reader and long time supporter felt as if it didn´t matter… oh my god.

Memories.
Memories.

Sharing memories. Sharing stories. Sharing nature. Sharing life.
You need to be able to receive too!!!!

So to all of you, our supporters, the people who have followed us, rooted for us, debated with us, engaged on this journey with us… I don´t have the words to describe to you how much it matters, how grateful I am and how deeply it moves me.
I just don´t have the words…. but I think, I feel and I know…
Thank you.

18 thoughts on “Memories

  1. If readers get to dictate your story – then it’s not your story. You decide what you want to say 🙂
    I must be hard to look back on your old life – I think, I would feel as if I was standing outside looking in at another world. No wonder you have all those thoughts in your head right now!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Where we live, there is an old stone fence from the mid 1800’s in the timber just west of where I live. I stopped by to look at it with my wife and take a few pictures…I I love discovering things like that. Couple of years ago the ground was sold, and the new owners decided to log the timber..they don’t take all the trees, just the mature ones..but they create paths for their heavy logging machines to drag the trees out…well, they took a bull dozen and knocked right through that old stone fence. I felt a pang of grief, knowing they could care less, and while the portions of the fence are still there, some of it is lost. As a couple of years have passed, out of habit I always glance @ what remains of the fence, and gradually, the timber has started to heal, the lumber trails are no longer so dark and visible, and what has comforted me, is some of the same thoughts you have articulated here, Thanks for writing! I enjoy your blog. DM

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree with Christina. It is your story. What I like about your posts is somehow your ability to constantly surprise your readers, and I think that is so real and honest, and I think that is part of your personality. So just go on be true to yourself. That is what matters. I am too a very sensitive person with constant observing antennas and I wish they sometimes could be switched off, but it also gives me sacred memories of happy times with my family. It most be a joy but also sad to visit ones former home. I can imagine the overwhelming feeling of lost time. Is it totally abandoned now?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear andrea
    It seems as if there is so much unsaid in your posts, while simultaneously you bare your thinking and emotions. Since I came relatively recently to your blog, maybe there is a backstory I missed. Or perhaps, while you reveal your own perceptions and reactions, you must protect the privacy of your family.
    We have been supplied with a paradigm that does not work. We are being played to believe–believe in it– and buy into (literally) its supposed rewards. my only solution basically is to shun it. I am not a social media person, not even a 21st century person really–there is so much nonsense and rubbishy stuff out there. I would like to dispense with it and think I can. Maybe I am only deluding myself.
    All best,
    ~ abigail

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    1. Dear Abigail,
      Your senses are right. There are things I´m not saying right now. Lots of things. For lots of reasons.
      But my son is sick and therefore we need money. It´s that simple really.
      For the last 8 years I have gotten 90% of my income through social media. This is a fact. Bookings for speeches, request for interviews, writings jobs. My entire network is on facebook, it´s a my public platform (in denmark) much more than this blog. When I shut down my profile a year ago the effects were immidiate. It wasn´t a problem because I was very convinced that there was a prize to pay for social media- and I wasn´t willing to pay it. But I am now.

      Having had this year has sharpened me though, I am much more aware and I step into the dangerous territory much more aware of the traps than before. So that´s a good thing.

      I think it sucks that the general internet is falling apart and that social media is centralizing our communications, de facto becoming an act of monopoly. People don´t visit webpages (or blogs) anymore- they get all their information, all of their news, everything, on social media.
      It´s dangerous.
      I´m going in there to tell them.
      Allthough I need the money (and ALL of my chances of an income is located in there, my entire professional network, my career, bookers and readers) I´m not only doing it for the money. I´m also doing it because it´s what I´m good at. I´m going to use all of my skills and I´m going to yell like hel. In therel 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Dear Andrea.
    This is not a comment to this post but to some of the questions you ask in some of the recent posts – and to your writing in general. This is the first time I write here. It seems that I’m not a blogger – particularly when it’s not in Danish. Now I’ll try anyway…

    First: No, you are not “shouting into a big black hole in the universe”. I read all your posts, I bought and read your book a couple of years ago and I enjoyed your speech at Fensmark Bibliotek last year. Well, sometimes I am in a big black hole – and then your words hit me and encourage me there 😉 Your writing makes so much sense to me. I really loved your Yule Calender last winter. (I have so much trouble with Christmas – less and less every year though).

    About resistance: As you and some of the readers of this blog already have said – it is very diffucult to resist a system that you depend on. It was easier, when I was young to boycot South Africa and to resist against nuclear power in Denmark. Industrial civilization is all over and inbetween everything now. For most of us the food, water and everything is taken and we have to buy it. I think resistance in our time is about decolonizing our hearts and minds. And it’s about refusing to work in a job you find enslaving – so we have to meet our fear about poverty and death. It is about supporting ourselves and each other in finding new ways to live. And it is to resist locally every time it is possible to prevent any further destruction of the wild life we love.

    About community: Every day my heart breaks in longing for a local, practical, sane, sustainable, spiritual community. I deal with it by feeling the longing as it is and sharing it with people I trust. I gather and grow more and more of our own food. I get to know my neighbours and show them more and more of who I really am. I join groups where I feel at home – around and on the internet. Community is changing incredibly fast in these years. Community is different networks. Community is any communication that happens… I think…

    About your work: If you reach your goal so you can work full time with what you do best, I would suggest that you do interviews with different people about resistance and community in their daily life. How do people you meet, who shares the values of this blog, live their lives? The people in the woods who don’t communicate about it – how do they make a living? The pig farmer who became a healer and the woman with the little organic cafe in the middle of industrial agriculture are examples of people you have told a little about. If possible I would love to hear more about them. And about thers who refuse to be enslaved by the “evil empire”. Young people, older people, people from different countries and places. How do they survive? How do they make sense in an insane culture? There are so many ways to wake up and so many ways to go on. I find it so inspiring and supporting to here about that. I know there are different blogs and books to read – and I do that – but I also got the picture of you interviewing som of those who are not writing about it themselves. I share it here – knowing that you know best about your own work.

    Thank you, Andrea – and thanks to everybody who shares something here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jeg var også til foredraget i Fensmark. Dejligt at der findes flere i området som jeg 🙂 Jeg dyrker også selv meget af vores mad og lever generelt meget simpelt. Min have er nærmest en attraktion for forbigående og jeg bliver opfattet som lidt halvtosset af mange, fordi jeg er hoppet af hamsterhjulet på mange områder. Jeg er fuldstændig ligeglad med andres meninger om mit syn på livet – men det glæder mig, at læse dit indlæg hér 🙂 Så føler jeg mig ikke helt alene hehe

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ej hvor sjovt at du også var i Fensmark. Christina! Det er godt at vi kan hjælpe hinanden med at føle os mindre alene. Jeg tror virkelig at der er mange ting der må begynde med dét. Så længe man føler sig alene, anderledes… er det svært at stå imod. Vi er mange! Karmakrammer 🙂

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        1. Det var faktisk mig, der fik biblioteket til at arrangere dig – og så blev det sjovt nok lige på min fødselsdag 🙂 Jeg tog et par veninder med, i håbet om, at jeg så kunne få lidt flere allierede. Folk bliver skræmte, når man deler sine bekymringer og drømme om frihed. Så er det godt, at have dig som mellem mand 🙂

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    2. Benedicte, thanks! Good advice, useful feedback. Wonderful!
      I was actually thinking about just turning myself into somekind of news channel. So many stories are not being told and since I´m a storyteller and all… 🙂
      Next blogpost will be about “the activist”. I met him yesterday. Thank you for your kind words!

      Like

  6. Neat pictures, so beautiful, both there and in Swedish woods. I have hard time with claiming land as “mine”, “yours” “theirs”… Maybe growing up in a country where people’s personal land and property was confiscated, converted, changed, etc. somehow made me dissociate from a certain parcel of land. I do understand though the connection to a place, place of childhood, or later years, even if it is not “owned” by you at all.
    Good thoughts on social media.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It´s a funny feeling though, Bee because I really feel like some land is mine. Not in the “I posess” this land kind of way- more in a way where I experience the land as very important part of MYSELF. Some land, some landscapes, some places- not a lot of places, have this effect on me. I´m integrated with the land somehow and it´s in that sense I use the word “mine” (not in the capitalistic sense 🙂

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  7. Nicole, thanks for sharing that article, that was very interesting!

    Andrea, thank you for explanation. I do want a personal uninhabited island though. 🙂

    Benedikte, I do like reading inspirational stories as well, and more than anything, meeting some great people in person.

    I had really enjoyed reading Nathan Winters stories on Cooking up Story:
    http://cookingupastory.com/author/nathan-winters
    Nathan has unfortunately passed away…

    I also love reading interviews and adventures on Eddy Gilmore’s blog:
    http://eddygilmore.com/

    These are just the two that come to mind quickly, but then there are so many interesting personal stories.

    Like

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