One of the consequences of having lived as such a tight family unit, dependent not only on each others work but also really the company, is that we seem to grow more and more dependent on each other.
Sure, it´s different regarding the (big, giant!) children; they´re not so much “seeking away from the home” as they are “seeking onwards towards themselves”, it´s a natural process and although it´s hurtful to see them go it´s also a sensation of pride.
I mean… look at them!
I´m proud of what we have gone through together, I am proud of what we have done.
I know there is a strong connection and much love between us and that calms me when the sorrow of watching them leave is too heavy.
As you know I´m in Denmark to deal with some things. A family crisis.
Jeppe and Sigurd was in the forest, tending to the garden, keeping the fort, but one of the consequences of having lived like we do in the forest is, that it becomes weirder and weirder to be apart.
It´s been hard for me to deal with this crisis without them present in real flesh and it´s been hard for them in the forest, because it´s not the same without me.
So they came.
With one side of my brain this growing dependency bothers me.
With another side of my brain it´s ok.
I find most relations to be claustrophobic, invading, overwhelming and really time-consuming, too much hard work so I tend to stay away from them. Relationships. People.
To me relationships are like waves.
Jeppe and I have decided to get married again.
We have been married for seven years now but it feels important to renew the wows, reassert the commitment so in august were getting married, it will a be quiet thing, a solemn thing, by our cabin, in the midst of our garden, surrounded by trees.
I´ve been thinking so much about relationships. Both the close and personal relationships I have with my children, my husband, friends, neighbours and family but also the more overall relationships I engage in such as here on the blog, on social media or by being a “public” person, speaking up, speaking around.
Somehow relationships seems to be key. Important.
I´m not thinking about the “Why” anymore. I´m thinking about the “How” and I think that reflects something I learned in the forest.
We are connected. Just like the trees and the fish and the bees and the weather. We influence each other. We affect each other.
I´m feeling more and more ok with it.