search instagram arrow-down

Join 921 other followers

Follow Andrea Hejlskov on WordPress.com

Support my work

You can support my general work via Patreon
and I hope you do, will.

I miss my home.

I miss my home.

DSCF3153

DSCF2751

DSCF0298

DSCF4824

DSCF5162

DSCF1653

DSCF1139

I have to be in Denmark for a little while longer. I keep myself busy by working. By writing. Since I´m going insane over these… circumstances. I hold no power, I have no control, I can´t do anything which is pretty much the worst thing you can ask me to do, the horror!
(so i´m active on social media, active on this blog, tell me places to go and people to talk with, things to examine, stories to tell, questions to answer, I tell myself, I tell you)

This is what I looked on the first night in the log cabin we built ourselves, with our own bare hand, with our determination and sheer will power.
Not a lot of people believed in us. Not a lot of people understood what we tried to do.

It´s different now.
I told our story and a lot of people related, a lot of people understand.

I have to say running to the woods meant dealing with two kinds of shell shock. The first one being realizing how exposed we were, how dependent we were and how wild life in the woods is. No mercy. A lot of grace though.
Plus all of the un-learning, the deprogramming.

The second shell shock was what happened when our story went “public”

I keep telling the same story over and over again until I understand it.
You should know that this is the purpose of this blog. I try to fix myself by fixing the narrative, allowing untold things to be told, allowing myself to deal with darkness that we otherwise (in the culture) seems to want to oppress with such sturdiness, going deeper and deeper, into the narrative, into the story, into me, into you. That´s what I want to do.

I want to be the lady who wanders along the dark paths. Into the woods. I`m going into the woods.
I miss my home.

The story about what happened when we went mainstream is a strong story. I´m not quite sure how to tell it yet but I CANNOT even begin to tell you how much I recommend that you take the time to watch this story, this conversation right here.
It says a lot.
It says most of want I want to say.
Please listen to it.

A note about my patreon page. I´m not asking you to give more than you can and I´m not in a hurry to make this a big thing. This will just be a slow and steady process, a way to water this blog and let it grow. I wrote about why I have it here.

And I hope you will consider supporting me by subscribing

This entry was posted in Blog.

8 comments on “Why don´t I go and make something more positive….

  1. Tricia says:

    I am away from home right now too. At first its a little exciting and whatever….then, after that wears off you’re like GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mary says:

    Andrea, I am learning to find my own words to speak my truth, but I am so very grateful when I find that long-sought feeling of belonging in others’ words, including yours. Reading your posts, and contemplating my own journey, I am reminded of the archetypal struggle of “coming home” after having left to live my life into knowing, and reconciling my “adult aloneness” with my need to love and belong; of finding home in an inhospitable world of overpowering aloneness. Reading these last posts, I thought of your place in the woods, as well as your space in the internet ether, as the “tawny closed grained cedar…housely heaven…of belonging” in David Whyte’s poem below.

    THE HOUSE OF BELONGING by David Whyte

    I awoke
    this morning
    in the gold light
    turning this way
    and that

    thinking for
    a moment
    it was one
    day
    like any other.

    But
    the veil had gone
    from my
    darkened heart
    and
    I thought

    it must have been the quiet
    candlelight
    that filled my room,

    it must have been
    the first
    easy rhythm
    with which I breathed
    myself to sleep,

    it must have been
    the prayer I said
    speaking to the otherness
    of the night.

    And
    I thought
    this is the good day
    you could
    meet your love,

    this is the black day
    someone close
    to you could die.

    This is the day
    you realized
    how easily the thread
    is broken
    between this world
    and the next

    and I found myself
    sitting up
    in the quiet pathway
    of light,

    the tawny
    close grained cedar
    burning round
    me like fire
    and all the angels of this housely
    heaven ascending
    through the first
    roof of light
    the sun has made.

    This is the bright home
    in which I live,
    this is where
    I ask
    my friends
    to come,
    this is where I want
    to love all the things
    it has taken me so long
    to learn to love.

    This is the temple
    of my adult aloneness
    and I belong
    to that aloneness
    as I belong to my life.

    There is no house
    like the house of belonging.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This brought tidal water into my eyes. Thank you.

      Like

    2. WOW that is amazing! I’m keeping a copy. For re reading. Thank you!

      Like

  3. ncfarmchick says:

    Who wouldn’t miss that place in the forest? So beautiful.
    Speaking of your story, any more word on when your book will be available in English? I know you had said earlier that it would be the summer but thought I’d ask. I’m hoping it will be sold in a way that you actually make something from its sale which I know is not the case in with some publishing.

    Like

  4. Yeah. So first I signed with this independent scottish publisher named two raven, really sweet lady living alone on an island and slow but steadily changing the world of publishing (as expressed by the guardian). But her house burnt down. The whole thing! So things are going a little slow regarding an english/scottish publication.

    But THEN I signed with these awesome people: http://pioneerspress.com//
    Who, among other great stuff, has published adam gnades “the do it yourself guide to fighting the big motherfucking sad” (I love that tittle soooo much!)
    They are currently editing the manuscript for the american audience and the last thing I heard was “around fall”.

    Both independent publishers are great people who love the word more than the industry and takes great care of their writers meaning that my percentages are not 0000.231 as they usually are when one my books hits the street.

    A reader from Hungary have sat down and begun translating the book into hungarian and will sent it out to some independent publishers there- so that´s all good, actually it´s kind of amazing. My READERS have translated my work – because they wanted more people to able to read it!
    I don´t know if a writer can get more satisfaction than that. It´s just incredible and I´m very thankful.

    I´m gearing up recently, as you know. Due to a family crisis we need more money and I´m hustling.
    It would be a GREAT HELP for me if you could help me score some speaking geeks or freelance writing/essay/columns arrangements. If you´re danish it helps a lot if you ask your public library for me (and help my books be more visible on the shelves) If you live abroad maybe you know some organizations that would hire me for a speech? I would love to travel.

    And then just generally to share my work, to like and to comment, to make me feel that I´m not shouting into a big black hole in the universe.

    I rewrote my patreon page because I realized something about trees: https://www.patreon.com/andreahejlskov?ty=h

    (see, the trees are not isolated and alone, fighting their battles, they´re connected and so there is no shame in needing other people and I need other people right now)

    Like

    1. ncfarmchick says:

      First of all, if Two Raven is really that woman’s name, that is so awesome I don’t even know what to say. Secondly, Pioneers Press have some great stuff (at a quick glance, anyway.) Thank you for letting us know about them . Sounds like a great fit for your story. Hope you have a chance to go to the UK and speak at The Fold. What a amazing place that must be! Thanks to Lucy for the introduction. Finally, I do share your posts with anyone I think might be interested (though I think everyone I know should read them but I can’t be pushy, right?) and promise you you are not shouting into a big black hole in the universe. We hear you and hope many more will, too. Thanks again and be well!

      Like

  5. lucy otto says:

    Andrea I love your writing and your brave life.
    If you ever come to England I’d love to promote you to speak here at our community / cafe / organic care farm / natural therapy centre – http://www.thefold.org.uk
    I look forward to the book.
    Lucy

    Like

.
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s