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Black days of winter turned into white days of winter turned into deep blue middle days then baby blue middle days and now the days are green.
Spring green.

The deer always arrive, as out of thin air itself, exactly at the same moment as the green grass HELLO!
Dancing white deer tale, deep infinite eyes, so translucent you are, how quickly the world spins right now!
I know the days will slow down again, come the heavy orange days of summer then the autumn gold then the deep purple, then the deep dark, then the white, then the blue then the green HELLO!

 

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They say (that would be Eliot)

April is the cruellest month, breeding
lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
memory and desire, stirring
dull roots with spring rain

… and that right about sums it up.
Days of swift moving, working with my bare hands, barefooted, days of lazy on the couch, holy, holy, holy rain.
I dance with death when I write on that book. I burst with life when I spread all of my seeds on the ground, in a spiral.
The cruelty is to be found in the overwhelmed state of perplexity.

I have a hundred things to say but am mostly soaked in my literary problem (maybe I just like that phrase), head first into the headlights, against the wall, brainsplatter, blood. Grass growing from deep below, the vibrant neon green of the birch and then obviously and most appropriate hail

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.. because why not?

This is also holy because it comes so sudden and with such force.
Out of this world.

I feared for the small plants… how they would be hammered down like pegs but they rose again, the small plants and the world I inhabit at the moment is a life of small plants and small birds, a world of steady uncompromising green, a world of fragile bursting neon, a world of fast running deer and I can´t seem to collect my thoughts.
Plus I have a hundred things to say but I gather the most important must be this:

Thunderboy turned five.

 

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And he got his very first real knife.
And grandmother is visiting. So.

Of other news: Jeppe and Persille reached their crowdfunding goal before time which is also a grand celebration (if you hurry you can still get your name in the cover if you donate smiley heart) And tomorrow Lasse is performing some political first of may poetry slam in Valby (go say hi and buy the poor man a beer) only to fetch the tipi and then he´ll be off; into the woods, into the woods, he´ll return every week though because we´re sharing the garden this year, this whole life being an experiment in sharing and in holding on.
AN IMPORTANT NOTE: It is a deeply satisfying and justifying feeling to feel the real support from you, loyal readers, lovely readers, this is purpose, this is happiness, giving is the golden law so I thank you so much, more than you know, for receiving.
From my deep red hammering heart to yours. A bond. How holy too!

It´s funny how we kind of accidentally made a creative collective of sorts here, it´s crazy these things even still exit, I thought they were dead but now I think of the uncompromising grass and the way it will always return (HELLO) and (well I went on a rather long rant here because I told you I have a hundred things to say but april is cruel and my mind is brain splatter and blood all tangled up in my literary problem and such so bye)

25 comments on “The cruel month

  1. BeeHappee says:

    Congratulations to Thunderboy!!!!!! Five is a big number.
    Thanks, Andrea for sharing your joy and all the good news, so nice to hear.
    Good luck to Lasse, I’d definitely buy him a beer if I was there. 🙂
    By the way, your first book in English. When is it out??

    Like

    1. Thank you! As it turns out the publishing house litterary burnt down. Really. I just recieved news that they are working as fast as they can but obviously the launch will be delayed… http://www.tworavenspress.com

      (Still looking for international publishers, let me know if you have any contacts 😉

      Like

      1. smcasson says:

        Oh my gosh, wow… that’s terrible. Hope everybody is ok, and the launch isn’t delayed much!

        Like

      2. BeeHappee says:

        Oh my goodness.. is the book translated into English and edited? Unfortunately I have no contacts, did self publishing and that works well but it is a LOT of work with marketing, promotion, shipping, etc… I will keep it in mind though. Did you try contacting publishers in the usa? Good luck Andrea.

        Like

  2. nicoleaugust says:

    Ahoy, I think we are in similar climates, so I know that feeling of SPRING ! But then it snowed TWICE last week. But today it was 18C :). No deer here in town, but the chipmunks are back raiding the bird feeder and the gardens are in want of attention . Happy Birthday to the regal five year old !

    Like

    1. If it begins to snow now I will cry! Deer are here throughout winter it´s just the way the APPERAR in the spring, so sudden, out of the blue! 😉

      Like

  3. ncfarmchick says:

    Thunderboy is looking very much the Thunderlittleman these days! Happiness and joy to him, always.
    Thank you for telling us a few of these hundreds of thoughts. Your words conjure up the rush of Spring so well. Our deer stick around with us through the winter but there is another animal whose appearance means Spring to me. While out tucking the chickens up for the night, I saw the first bat of the year (up close, anyway.) He was emerging from the ceiling in the barn and looked very surprised to see me. I am always glad to see them and wish them well on their mosquito hunting adventures.

    Like

    1. smcasson says:

      I like our bats that are living in the chimneys 😉 holy crap you probably think I live in a zoo. And you’d be right. (But the bats don’t visit often in the house)
      We have news on the bee front, btw. (You don’t mind me abusing this space, do you Andrea? Thanks!) some bees swarmed today and and landed on a low branch in the backyard. A beekeeper was able to capture the entire swarm and take them home. He will also be back Sunday when we rip into that window to hopefully liberate the rest of the hive. Alive. Oh yeah! So glad to be doing that job in a bee suit, not in a hospital bed.

      Like

      1. ncfarmchick says:

        Wonderful news about your bees, Scott! I’m sure that beekeeper was very happy to have them. One of my hives swarmed in the rain last weekend (which I have NEVER heard of) but more than half of them remain so I think all’s well. Just another example that we are not in charge!

        Like

      2. yeah, yeah- use this space all that you want, it´s open! Catching a swarm! How exiting!

        Like

  4. smcasson says:

    Happy bday to Sigurd! Hope it was a great one. Congrats on the knife, the crowd funding goal, the friendship with Lasse, the hailstorm survival (you and the seedlings!) and congrats for taking the time to laze out on the couch. I laid out in the bed of my truck in the sun for ten mins the other day and it was so rejuvenating.
    Congrats and good luck with the new book. Looking forward to your book coming out in English. Let us know when it’s available in US? Please…
    Enjoy!

    Like

    1. BeeHappee says:

      Awesome news on the bees, Scott!!! I was worried about them sneaking into the house and biting the baby. And awesome news about laying in the sun. 🙂

      Like

  5. Eumaeus says:

    I have a hundred things to respond but will let deep blue heart hammer out some rhythm that the deep red heart might hear. Lest I catch this horrible literary disease you seem to have…

    Like

    1. ncfarmchick says:

      “Bless boys who pee in mud.” And I didn’t even know there was a song about my sons. Love it! Thanks for sharing.

      Like

  6. David says:

    A very happy birthday to Sigurd!

    And I agree with NC: Now that he has his first knife, I think he’s graduated to Thunderlittleman! 🙂

    Like

  7. Happy birthday Sigurd! Congratulations Jeppe and Persille. Let’s raise a toast to Lasse. (By the way I LOVE all your northern European Scandinavian names; See-gurd, Yep-peh, Per-sil-leh, Lah-suh. Did I get that right? The only one I can’t figure out: Awn-Dray-uh?) Love, Ruh-nay Lew-Cee-Yuh

    Like

    1. Haha! Spot on, Renee! (maybe like this: Awn Drae Yah)

      Like

  8. Dear andrea
    I was taken aback to read your seasonal color-scheme progression because I see this very similarly. I have sometimes wondered if my eyes have become more able to detect color in light waves than they used to.
    But when I try to convey this to others mostly they look at me strangely, and say they do not notice it.

    Very happy that you are writing– your life, your family and people, your experience, thoughts, what you see. As far as I am concerned, I think you are getting it across.

    Glad too to see your son getting his birthday present knife. My husband used to take a jackknife to school with him every day, but nowadays in American schools all “weapons” are confiscated, as we learned when our son took his birthday Swiss army knife with him to school. Now the Keepin’UsSafe brigade threatens to arrest a couple (in i think new york state) whose son and daughter walk to and from the park near their home unaccompanied and remove the children. The charge is something like child endangerment. Imagine the fun they would have with you and Jeppe–oh boy!

    All best,
    ~ abigail

    Like

    1. Thanks for noticing, Abigail, it´s the first year I truly notice the colour scheme it´s amazing!

      Like

  9. Nanna Mercer says:

    Dear Andrea,

    You may like this: Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee: The Signs Of God
    http://www.seekeraftertruth.com/llewellyn-vaughan-lee-the-signs-of-god/

    Like

  10. Jeanette Svendsen, Redaktør Pædagogisk Extrakt says:

    Hej Andrea – kan du skrive en spids pen?

    Jeg skriver til dig som redaktør for online magasinet Pædagogisk Extrakt. Et fagligt magasin om og til pædagoger.
    Magasinet udgives af Professionshøjskolen VIA og dets vigtigste formål er at formidle nyeste viden om aktuelle pædagogiske temaer til pædagoger ude i praksis. Magasinet har 1100 abonnenter og udgives i to årlige temanumre af Pædagoguddannelserne i VIA UC.

    I hvert temanummer udfordrer vi den “formelle” viden og historier fra den professionelle virkelighed med en “spids pen”, der kan lægge en anderledes skæv, skarp – ja, spids vinkel på det aktuelle tema. – Og det er her, du kommer ind i billedet…

    Efterårets temanummer sætter fokus på Pædagoger udenfor…
    Vi præsenterer ny viden fra VIAs videncenter for outdoorpædagogik, der på mangfoldige måder undersøger og understøtter pædagogers arbejde udenfor.

    Vi forholder os også kritisk til dét, at gå udenfor med børn. For begejstringen for at gå udenfor og den implicitte og nærmest ”ureflekterede” sandhed om at ”ude er godt” har brug for at blive udfordret. Er det altid godt at være udenfor – eller skal vi i højere grad sættes fokus på, hvordan pædagoger bruger både den kultiverede og den ”rigtige” natur? Er de gode nok til at ”lukke naturen op” for børnene og give dem blod på tanden, når det handler om at eksperimentere derude. Og hvilke didaktiske overvejelser bør professionelle, der bruger naturen, gøre sig før og mens de er ude med børn, unge, udviklingshæmmede etc.

    Er naturen blot en smuk kulisse, hvor konventioner om ”det pæne og rigtige” i naturen flytter med fra havemagasiner, tv-udsendelser og dameblade – eller kan naturen noget andet og mere i en samtid, der på alle måder går rigtig stærkt og er præget af krav om effektivitet og tilpasning?

    Din spidse pen?
    Som redaktør vil jeg gerne have disse faglige synspunkter sat i perspektiv. Det mener jeg, du kan gøre kvalificeret og med autoritet!
    Hvad er det for erfaringer du og i særdeleshed dine børn har haft i mødet med den (ukultiverede) natur. Hvad gør det ved børn og unges udvikling af møde naturen 1:1 – og hvilke kvaliteter kan vi hente her. Hvordan har jeres beslutning om at flytte ud i skoven bidraget til et bedre børneliv? Hvordan kan vi, i en pædagogisk virkelighed – der ikke er gået planken ud, som du og din familie har gjort, lære af jeres møde med naturen og overføre elementer i pædagogikken? Hvis vi kan??
    Dét perspektiv vil jeg gerne have foldet ud..

    Rammer og indhold:
    Jeg vil derfor spørge, om du har lyst til at bidrage til magasinet med en kort klumme, der – ud fra dit perspektiv – sætter naturens og professionelle pædagogers (potentielle) brug af den på dagsordenen.

    • Klummen skal være på max. 3000 anslag.
    • Klummen skal være ”spids” – udfordre, tirre eller provokere konventionelle forståelser eller perspektiver
    • Deadline er 20. maj.
    • I forbindelse med klummen vil der være mulighed for at linke til og reklamere for dine bøger og eventuelle aktiviteter, du tilbyder

    Jeg håber, du har lyst til at blande dig i og nuancere debatten.

    Jeg fortæller og uddyber gerne!! Det bliver for omfattende at skrive mere her.

    Jeg håber at høre positivt fra dig – og tillader at kontakte dig telefonisk én af de nærmeste dage.

    Gode hilsner
    Jeanette Svendsen
    REdaktør Pædagogisk Extrakt, jesv@via.dk, 41 43 54 64

    Like

    1. Hej jeanette, du kan bare skrive mig en mail: andreahejlskov@gmail.com (jeg har telefon fobi og bruger desværre ikke telefoner). Det lyder rigtig spændende jeg må dog sige, at jeg af principielle grunde ikke skriver “gratis” længere da jeg jo alligevel ligger en del tid og arbejde i at skrive den slags kronikker og essays, det er jo hvad jeg lever af 😉

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