New moon revelation

It was the night of the new moon and I woke up without a cause.

I was having a revelation, I was in the midst of a revelation.
Two golden shimmering thoughts in my mind, they were about to materialise and as I looked upon our land, our south bending slope, the lake and the horizon mountains, I watched these two thoughts with my third eye, still shining, I watched them as they materialised.

1. What have you always done? No matter the circumstances, what are the things you do without thinking about it, what are the things you just DO?

– I have always written (diary), it´s a technique of transformation, for me, for me.

– I have always made strange noises with my throat, a kind of song I suppose, whenever I was frightened, happy or needed to connect with the broader reality.

– I have always, no matter where, how, what or with whom, been some sort of facilitator for communities. I create space for people to fill out. I make things happen

2. The reason you feel miserable is simple: it is because you refuse to play your part, do your thing, that, which you have been bestowed.

See, I´ve been on strike the last year, body and mind. “I will not be a freight train!” “I will not carry all of this weight, all of these people!” “I won´t be a facilitator of communities, I want someone to facilitate ME!”
Gimme me. Gimme me.

The shining new moon thought, my family sleeping besides me, slow snow, was this: “I AM a freight train”

I don´t need to resist or go on strike, nothing wrong with being a freight train as long as you do not allow all of the people and all of their tragedies, expectations, sorrows and needs to invade you. These are my boundaries, this is what I expect of you, this is what I will accept, this is what I will not accept, this is my world, this is yours.

One thing I learned is that you cannot just expect people to know about politeness and behaviour in the forest (gift economy, sharing resources, time consumption, energy, the worth of something) because the world they come from is so fundamentally different from this world, all the rules are different and besides most people wanting to escape are in the midst of a crisis, surely they can´t see the forest for all of their problems standing in the way.
I can´t allow myself to feel betrayed or disappointed, even taken advantage of because people just don´t know…. and we were just like them when we got here.
Blind.

I believe there is a war going on. I fear the invisible enemy, I do.
I wont close my eyes and think happy thoughts, I think it´s real. It is gruesome and real. Things are getting dangerous but hiding under the pillow, refusing to do what is needed, wanting someone to do it for you, someone to help you… is really not the way to deal.
If it needs to be done- do it.
It is kind of like the first rule out here.

So I will.
I will help you.
(If you want me to)

If this was a tangible war there´d be no question, people in risk needs to be able to get out. Routes. A movement of resistance actually doing something.
Jeppe says I can´t invite everybody to my house, he´s right about that, been there, done that, died – but I can do something else.
I can be available. I can spend time and energy helping people. It can be my job, of sorts, you might even call it a cause.

This is not me throwing my seeds on barren ground, this is not me being naive, this is not me letting people exploit me or us: this is me making a choice.

I will help.
If you need help just ask.

So thank you skinny moon, fragile truth, I needed you.
This was my commitment.

*

We are planning the season (firewood, building materials, barn, animals, re-shaping the garden, sauna, foundation for the new green house, hay, harvest, forage, board the house) I love this period of lists and priorities and kitchen talks. I love the coffee and the hours.
I have good people around me. Good people in the forest. We are doing something good here, with our hands, with our longings, I forget to appreciate it, my mind so clouded for so long.

Next week I go on tour. These are the times and dates and occasions and appearances.
I hope you will come say hello and then we can hug (the fuck out that evil empire)

I will look you in the eyes and tell you that the parallel world exists, I might even make that humming throat noise and then, when I´m not doing the talks I will hide in my car and I will write-  because I have created a space here and it´s filled with the most wonderful people, exploring new territory, testing trust, communicating life experiences, sharing perspectives, not that it´s enough, because it´s not, but it´s something.
It truly is.

Lately I have gotten some really strange donation via this blog. I can´t see who the money is from but jeez louise, thank you!
Thanks to all of you invest in this space, you who it create with me, thank you for your comments, your sharing, your struggles and fights. Thank you for the things that you do… the things that you just do.

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25 thoughts on “New moon revelation

  1. More and more often, I don’t sleep at night. And at during those times, it seems the most “progress” is made… The other night at the end of one these ‘sessions’ a voice said: “Isn’t it funny how this works? 3..2..1 – snap” And I awoke.

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    1. 3 am is a magical number, nicole. Maybe it is something biological?? Both my labors started at 3 am, and kids always wake at 3 am, and if not them, then I wake up as 3 am for sure. .

      Beautiful words, Andrea, they are just flooding out of you.

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      1. Must be something to that, Bee. I was born at 3:15 am and still wake up every year on my birthday at that time. Both my boys started their progress into the world about that time of day, too. Interesting, like things happening in threes. Might have to ponder that a bit more….

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    2. Wow! I wake at 3am as well. It’s usually with a revelation, dread, panic, joy, serenity, peace or all the above! We are all connected…no matter where we reside! And that’s so awesome! 🙂

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  2. Since you asked in a recent post what people want you to do, maybe you could ask what people can do FOR you? Might be interesting to hear what people would offer.

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  3. Hey, I was born at around 3am and wake most nights at about that time too! I also have learnt to trust that answers to problems will come in that space between sleeping and waking. If you let them come. It’s marvellous – you can just put the problem there in your mind as you go to sleep, but not worry about it, give up trying in any kind of stressful way, just allow the big mind (not the limited everyday mind) to do its work. It’s nice because it’s like a surprise to yourself that you’ve found an answer. With practice it becomes reliable too. So you can stop worrying about always having to find the answer. I call it “being happy in the fog of unknowing.”

    Wonderful post, Andrea. Inspiring. As usual. Thank you.

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  4. It is good thing to finally realise what one’s purpose is. A homecoming of sorts.
    And I am grateful that this was given to you. Hold on to it.

    Funny thing, isn’t it? How certain things seem to happen synchronical.
    Your post is one of the many things that happened in line to me last week. It made me realise that I too have had “a year of strike” and it made me realise that certain pieces are falling in place for me too. Your “task” seems to be to write and help people mentally, spiritually, emotionally, mine seems to be to grow plants and feed people. Help them physically. The vision and feeling I had last year has come back, stronger than before…
    And I have not only to thank you for that, but also Renée and Bee. Even Ben.

    ncfarmchick; you shouldn’t ask what people can do for you. If you give, you will receive. Simple as that. Asking creates a demand and when unfulfilled a need or frustration.
    Asking for help in an immediate situation of need is something else.

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    1. On asking what people can do for you: Maybe the best question is neither “what can I do for them?”, nor “what can they do for me?”, but rather, “How can I be in relationship with other people?”, where that relationship–like any relationship–means some kind of exchange and mutual interaction. I don’t mean to reduce this to some purely economic transaction; it’s just a reminder that no living, vital relationship is one-sided. And being mindful of this can help to save us from feeling burned out, always put upon, always drained of our vital energies, always giving giving giving giving giving. Instead of thinking of this as asking for (much less demanding) something, think of it as reminding ourselves of the wonderful, nourishing relationships we already have.

      As so often, Andrea, thank you for posting so many of the things that I needed to hear on my own journey. Blessings!

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      1. I think you are on to something here. Instead of viewing relations as transaction, the exchange of something, we could see the “connectedness” more? It´s hard though. Unusual. Lot of trust involved…

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    2. Good point, Ron. I was responding to Andrea’s statement, “I want someone to facilitate ME.” I suppose I was wanting to know a little bit more of her feelings about that. As in, if someone did offer to do something for her, to “facilitate” her, what would she say? What would she want? I think people who give and give might dream of such an opportunity but, when asked that question, do not know how to respond. They see themselves in the giving role and so do not allow themselves to receive, even if it is offered. Mind you, I am not saying Andrea is like this. I have no way of knowing that. This is just what came to my mind when I read her statement above. I agree with you completely – “give and you shall receive.” Sorry if my comment did not support that belief and thank you for making me think about it a bit more.

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      1. I indeed did misunderstand it. Thanks for clearing it up!
        Now I understand what you mean and I must say that I too am curious…..

        As for the giving-part you and David mention; there is a huge difference between giving from one self, out of the heart and being sucked dry, parasitized. In the first situation the receiver will give themselves in some way. Even if it is only with a heartfelt, warming thank you. The gift would be gratitude and the knowing you did right. In the second part the parasite will find another host, when they are done with you, casting the empty hull aside.
        How to distinguish between them? A very very good question I’d say…. It is not for nothing I have become cautious and sceptical myself. Yet still…

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        1. Ron, this IS indeed the question.
          How to differentiate between the people/recievers.
          A friend living in the wild wrote me in relation to a conversation (that actually sparked this blog entry) She said that if someone invented a machine so that we can distingues between the dreamers, the freeloaders (blood sucking vampires) and the ACTUAL people that need help… then we would have saved incredible ammounts of time (and this is true: INCREDIBLE ammounts of time)
          So spot on, as always, you people. Thank you!
          (and ps. For a long time I was angry I think about the people who revieve and do not aknowledge the time/energy we offer them but then I realized that they really don´t know… I don´t think they know. They come from another world. A world of transaction. People who eat all of our food because they don´t KNOW that food is not an abundant resource). So there´s an argument to communicating right there…. to just exspand the understandings and the rules…

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          1. There is a way….. Those that scream loudest are the ones that need help the least.

            However there is a group of people that are very skilled in sucking your blood; the real parasites, the real con-artists. Those who live their entire lives at someone else’s expense… well, there are few who can see them for what they are. And yes, you’ll get hurt when you meet them. Yet it takes honesty and balls from on self to see those for what they are and break the link with them. If you present yourself as a victim, a target, they will pounce. Show real inner strength and honesty and they’ll most likely steer clear of you. You come out short? Cut them off at once.
            But that is only step 2. Step 1 is being wary… Hold your trust in check

            And for those that you claim do not know. Tell them! Show them! Educate them!
            Devouring all your “food” is not a matter of not knowing, it is an act of sheer disrespect and rudeness!! A clear sign of bad manners or ego.
            Maybe I am an asshole… well, I know I certainly can be…. but at my table, they’d be called to order and, with non-compliance, removed from my house.

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      2. I have actually been thinking a lot about your question and I´m glad you asked it because thruth is that I know a lot of “givers” who often falls into the sorrow of feeling that they give and give and give but they can´t really COUNT on the recievers, the connection is onesided, not a commitment, the giver is commited to giving (for reassons I mentioned above) but the reciever often either dont think about/is aware or do not feel obliged by the giving. Thus the givers can end up feeling exploited from time to time – even if the giving is on themselves, even if the giving was voluntary.

        And you are right. It took me some time to figure out what people could do for me.
        Support.
        Help me.
        That´s it. Keep me floating and I will continue to give- sometimes I sink to the bottom because of economic stress or having had too many guests, share my work, comment, engage in conversation with me, I don´t want to feel like I´m whispering into empty space.
        I think that´s it 🙂

        Thank you all!

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        1. Over the years I developed an attitude like “Prove your worth”.
          Show me that you deserve my help, any help….. That doesn’t take mounds of credentials. It shows through small things, gestures… You want something of me, so make the first step(s). And if I decide to help, I will be watching you, looking at what you are doing with the help you receive….. If I do not like what I see, you’ll receive notice, before I cancel any further assistance.
          Shame my trust and you’re out. No three strikes….

          This is not directed at anyone in particular, just a general statement btw…

          @ Andrea; judging by the number of comments, I’d say you at least have some bases covered. 😉

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  5. Soundtrack to this post .
    People help the people – by Birdy .

    My own revelation is more the run and hide solution and let life and people find me and join / share .
    I want it stript all naked , clear and pure .
    Hidden in the elements , no distruction from realety .
    Its be the fire under the stars we are united .
    Its when were wounerble we become strong and free .

    So i hide to find what i belong to . I fokus , sensebe
    lise, to feel the real , to be free .
    There will be more off me out there , same as me but anotherone – and it will just be ,without complication with no doubt .
    I rather go lost in the wild , then being lost with others .
    I go back to were i came with no fear , not for to run from me but rather to find me/you – the end off the road – home ..
    It will be / over and out
    It will be – new and in

    A new dimension or just a parelell one that has always been there and always will .

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  6. Andrea, your writing is so honest, so unscrubbed, so sincere, that I totally forget you are a celebrity and have thousands of followers. That in itself is already a huge gift.

    I love that picture of your boy with the icicle magic wand. 🙂

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  7. Your writing is wonderful, your honesty, your bravery, I come here, if nothing else just for that. Andrea you have sooooo inspired me to be more bolshy with my own writing too, and I thank you for that. When it came down to the wire in my life, which it did about six months ago ,I asked myself, “what is it that I have always done?” throughout all the pain and tumult, I have always turned to writing to get me through. It is like a prayer to me, along with walking. And yes, for the fact that this war is silent and unseen, I believe it is these kind of prayers that will see all of us through.

    I read your more recent post too, I am allowing myself a little bit of time every week to come to the places I love and indulge myself. (it sounds rather strict doesn’t it? but that rationing of internet time is making my other work much more productive, and the words I do read – and write – on the net are becoming much more precious to me) I will certainly be buying your book and I wish I could see you on tour, but for now, I am here in the woods and that is where I have to stay.

    I too gave up my creativity for a while when I was concentrating on my children and making a life in a strange country work for my family, but it has a strange habit of creeping back in. I love that about our creative lives, it never gives up on us, never. But saying that `i believe our creativity never actually leaves us, it is of course an obvious thing to say! – because creativity does not just manifest in our lives as great works of art, it also manifests in making mayonnaise and pickling beetroots – of course, this is what you are all about, the monumental and the ‘small’ both intertwined in one lovely website. I love it that these ‘tiny’ daily works of art have been recognised in your life.

    thank you

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