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and I hope you do, will.

It´s been snowing for days now and I don´t think I will be able to drive out tomorrow.
That´s ok. We have plenty of supplies and it´s not like I have somewhere to go or something to do, I can just sit here.

I like it when the world becomes quiet around me, wraps me in a blanket, creates this dome of home.

It´s only Sigurd and me in the cabin. For a weeks time or so. Jeppe is out dancing, head banging,  getting drunk or something (no, he´s making music it´s very, very serious) and I like that too.

I like that music runs in his veins and can´t be killed.

It´s dark moon though. Not found of dark moon. Makes me dream strange dreams of strangers, I wake up with a feeling of… wanting more.

I have two bandages on my fingertips.

Winter is so quiet and slow. Unlike summer which is a buzz.
I could not live in a land where season did not change. I tried once, I lived in Ecuador for a year, I walked barefooted on that white stripe representing the absolute equator of the earth, yet I did not feel it. Earth, I mean. Lately I have had strange sensations, as if my body is earth, as if everything that goes on earth goes on in me too.

Maybe humans are not disconnected at all…

I need winter. My body needs winter. I don´t know about earth beneath me, deep frozen, but I need winter, I heal in the wintertime. In the quiet. In the slow. In the snow.


In the morning I drink my morning coffee and tend to the sprouts (in the background, I grow them to have some salad-type food during winter)
In the mornings I have vague memories of green.

In the morning I look at the birds.  I like to feed them because come summertime and they will eat all of the mosquitos. We´re connected like that. We work in unison.

This is how bird feeders are built in the forest. Plenty of poles around. Tie them together, place spruce in the middle to protect the birds from cats and foxes, a bucket left on the side, filled with sunflower seeds.
Sunflower seeds. Easiest crop in the world. Sunflower sprouts as a salad in the winter. Sunflower seeds for the small birds.
Sunflower seeds when there is no sun around.


Then I mess around with the camera trying to figure out how to make macros (or micros… can´t remember what it´s called which is probably part the problem)

See, I almost figured out how to do it the other day


But no.



Well well. This is a life of constant trial and error.

Then I go fetch the water







Then I go feed the hens and make sure the hungry winter fox have not solved the puzzle of the doors yet

The chiks are getting big enough to slaughter, it must be done soon.






Then it´s time to feed the cats. They´ve been sitting there waiting for your lazy ass.
You may wonder why we haven´t got a lot of animals and I can easily tell you: because we did what all newcomers do. We planted too many crops, had too many animals, too many building projects, too much foraging, too many guests and too many dreams.
In the beginning.
This is still the beginning.
Patience. Cat patience.





When I look up I see this. He´s just sitting there.




A couple of minutes later he decides it´s a slide.

Then I begin working with the firewood. We´ve had all kinds of pretty wooden baskets but these found in a container behind a supermarket seems to be more wear resistant.


And THEN I empty the bucket of wastewater under the sink and THEN I shovel some snow and THEN I make him lunch and THEN I do the dishes and sweep the floor and THEN I put a shelf up in the mudroom, THEN I organise some boxes of mess and THEN the generator breaks down again and I call the Honda guy who charged us soooo much money to fix it (I might have yelled a little) and THEN I receive a letter that makes me feel real inadequate and stupid and THEN I receive a letter from an old forest friend and it makes me smile
“It´s time to chill, enjoy and take care of our bodies and be in peace with our loved ones- the rest is to be tackled with dignity, a relaxed ignorance towards the lie. Keep your peace. Trust your intuition. It enhances the thought”

And then I knit some.
And then I write some.

And now it´s time to leave the chair.




And now it´s time to make dinner




(If you wonder how come we have light it´s because we have two generators, I wrote about why we have two here)
I had all kinds of things I wanted to blog about (ambitions, energy consumption) but I can´t. Tie the lose ends. Untie the knots.
Make a point. Make it matter.

Healing is not like that I suppose.

Healing is more of a slow process, a flow of images and thoughts. A blanket to calm you.
When it´s dark moon.






People have been emailing me asking if there was any way to support us. I can´t integrate our bank account number elegantly into this post so here they just are. Thank you for your continuous support, it´s so good to know that there are people out THERE who believes in what we are trying to do HERE)


IBAN: SE5980000833600130761489

Name of bank: Fryksdalens Sparbank


….and NOW I have to go put the little one to sleep so that I can be gone into Netflix. Yeah. You heard that right. Shitty shitty series about stargates and wormholes. Sorry I´m not Thoreau.


31 comments on “The pattern

  1. nicoleaugust says:

    We live with four seasons too, and it is the pulse that keeps me going. Fall is the quickening, the desire to migrate, to prepare; winter the birth of ideas and plans; spring ushers in all this new life; summer is heady days of activity that exhausts my energy. Then it starts all over gain ! Now it’s time to make bread …


    1. Yeah, it has really been a revelation to me to aknowledge how much the season actually affect… they probably effect me more out here because I´m outside a whole lot more but still… seasons have personalities 🙂


  2. Søren says:

    Wow, how magical your photos are!
    And in addition i think you just stumbled upon the meaning of life of sorts: “Well well. This is a life of constant trial and error.”

    It puts all this constant persuit of black/white, right/wrong, good/bad in to perspective, it is total Lunacy (on a black moon day, to boot), life is in the middel, all the other colors ….. are we not done with the constant fighting about who is right!! …. it makes me freaking nausious

    The dreams are the solution and the problem.
    Some people see and create a much better World (the real world) in their dreams, they can imagine a better life ….

    But most people dont and most people can’t, what a shame
    But we only need 2% to reach the tipping point
    … And we past it already, can’t you see?
    The old World is falling apart, and fast
    Making way for the new, the work is done
    Sit back and watch

    Patience is not your strong suit, I know
    Me neither …… I just hang on and DREAM, I WILL the new World
    If we all WILL it into existence, it has no other choice than to manifest

    But first the clearing of space, for the new house if you will
    The 3rd house you made for you self 🙂


    1. hehe, you are right Soren, patience is not strong in me 🙂 I don´t know about a third cabin…. tempting but on the other hand these logs contain so much good karma 🙂
      And about the tipping points. Yes.


      1. Søren says:

        The 3rd “cabin” is for all of us! Its the New Earth, fair and loving, powerfull and intelligent …… a new World with way less words, its very difficult for people to lie without words, just being/existing is what really freaks people out, being still and starting in to the void …. Seeing your self in the Obsidian mirror
        Plenty of room for your current cabin in the new reality 😃


      2. BeeHappee says:

        New Earth. . that sounds so self-destructive to me, Soren. What is the difference between that and the radical Christians saying they want the earth destroyed so they can to Heaven? Am I misunderstanding what you are saying?


  3. mridler3 says:

    Your writing is so beautiful…winter wraps me in a blanket…I love winter and the change of seasons, too.


  4. BeeHappee says:

    This is just awesome Andrea! Made me smile. very very beautiful. And THEN and THEN and THEN. 🙂
    “Shitty shitty series about stargates and wormholes” what in the world is that?
    Love your house. Your pictures are giving me some hope. . . Thank you!!


  5. smcasson says:

    Søren- nice! Yes, the trial and error, its good to keep in mind. The error is necessary to learn, but the trial part is even more so. If you never try, change, experiment, you never grow. You never get the chance to “figure it out”. Ya just keep buying what you’re sold.
    Thinking about this makes me wonder if I shouldn’t try something new. This desk job is killing me.

    Andrea, I laughed out loud (yup, had to spell it out for effect!) when I saw the picture of Sigurd on your car. I can picture my son doing the same thing! (Just don’t let him step on the wipers and screw em up)

    I am so jealous of your winter. (Although, I didnt gather enough firewood so i guess I’m glad for this 52 farenheit weather)
    I need winter too.


    1. BeeHappee says:

      Scott, I saw people sugaring in Kentucky already! What is all that about. . . We had drizzle then ice then few drops of melting snow. Need MORE snow! Sounds like your boy and Andrea’s boy and mine would have some good time sliding on those snowed up cars. 🙂


      1. smcasson says:

        Its been great sugaring weather here. Oh well, my firewood stash appreciates it.


  6. Tres says:

    I love sunflower sprouts too! I’m growing some now!
    Beautiful picture of frost!
    Love your hand dug well lined with stone and clear water!
    What kind of chickens do you have? They lay eggs in winter!
    THEN… my grammama always said Immer etwas! (german for Always something!)
    If I can figure out how to make a recurring transfer – a little token which I can afford – I will! I’ll let you know how that goes.


    1. Immer etwas! Absolutely!
      For some reasson we have chickens that lay egg in winter. I mean, this was among the first eggs this winter – I gather it´s because we passed solstice and they get more light now. We have this one hen, she´s just amazing, she raises chickens too in snow!
      And thank you, Tres.


      1. BeeHappee says:

        On the well. How deep did you have to dig to get to the water?
        If chickens stop laying in winter, will artificial coop light make any difference or does it have to be sunlight? You have some tough viking chickens.


      2. ncfarmchick says:

        Our chickens have always laid all year round, even in Winter, though they produce about 1/3rd what they do in summer. Of course, it is not nearly as cold here as Sweden, obviously. I know some people extend the daylight hours with artificial lighting to keep the egg production up. But, I always figured the hens only have so many eggs to lay in their lifetime. I’d rather have them lay as they were intended to versus creating a situation where they are all “layed out” before their time. Just my way of thinking.


  7. Ms. Gwynne says:

    Gosh that is beautiful and the pictures are beautiful and Netflix is the best.


  8. ncfarmchick says:

    I lived in Central America for 2 years when I was 12 and 13 ( Dad was in the military.) I remember traveling to Ecuador and standing with one foot in each hemisphere and expecting something crazy to happen but not so much. More impressive to me, at the time, was noticing the water swirling down the drain in the opposite direction.
    Oh, do I relate to you on the patience thing. Its funny, because I am very patient with other people (or so I am told) but not with myself. How ridiculous is that? We got in a little (a lot in some ways) over our heads when we first moved out here and had some things not go as planned. Others, we still live with today (the too many animals part is a tough one.) But, I’d rather be enthusiastic and eager to try lots of things than not. The older I get (!) the more pragmatic I am and no longer feel that recognizing my limits (of time, energy, finances, creativity) is a failure. I love your image of and the message “cat patience.” My house cat is the most impatient thing while our barn cats are content to follow us for miles through the woods with no concern for all the stopping and exploring two little boys do. Something to that, I think. Oh, and my boys would be all over that car with Sigurd..actually, on it, under it, inside it, whatever they could do.
    No wonder your writing is so good. Look at that cozy spot. Thanks for sharing all the photos.


  9. Winter is a good time to sit down and study the camera. I don´t have time for that during any other seasson so… 🙂 Our cats walks with us too. And the dog. In a line. It looks funny 🙂 They´re good cats. Keep the mice at bay. You´re absolutely right about the water running backwards. That mind-blowing! Ecaudor taught me much though. I´d like to go back one day 🙂


  10. smcasson says:

    Man I gotta science you all… Since I’m a geek… It’s the direction the water was introduced into the vessel. The actual force (coriolis effect) is very very small for a small vessel such as a toilet or sink. The coriolis does affect storms in a big way though.

    But it’s a neat concept.
    Back to your regularly scheduled programming.


    1. BeeHappee says:

      That’s interesting, Scott, thank you! Will have to go experiment. 🙂


    2. ncfarmchick says:

      And I’m grateful for the lesson! Funny, I don’t remember learning anything about the coriolis effect at the time, just accepted it as some cool quirk of nature. Thank you!


    3. ncfarmchick says:
      Scott, thought of your comment about homesteading with little ones in an earlier when I read this. Good advice, I think, so thought I’d pass it along.


      1. ncfarmchick says:

        That would be “in an earlier post.” Fat fingers!


      2. smcasson says:

        I dont know how I missed this comment, NC! Oops! Thanks for the link. Very true and practical advice there. I’m going to show it to my wife as well. I think that we are prob just expecting too much, my wife and I. Some overwhelmed feelings are unavoidable for us: there really is a lot to be done. But others are self-imposed: expecting perfection, or simply trying to accomplish too much, when we should be remembering that just holding the baby is getting things accomplished.


        1. That is so true. “Just holding the baby” is enough 🙂


        2. ncfarmchick says:

          Scott, if you really live with that philosophy (that holding the baby is accomplishing something), you’ll be all right. Though, even the most ardent believers of us in this thought can use reminding every now and then. Be well…

          Liked by 1 person

    4. smcasson says:

      Thanks for hearing me… I risked being an ass there. 🙂


      1. Love it when people science me!


  11. ncfarmchick says:
    And I offer this in the spirit of much of the conversation that has been going on here lately. I’ll go out on a limb and say thank you to all of you members of my “soul family.” Peace!


  12. I am so glad you wrote about this and not about what you had planned to originally write, I love the idea of that bird feeder, I am gonna set one up like this today in the garden, I have been wondering how on earth to actually get my sunflower seeds into the birds without them being eaten by wildlife. the dark moon, winter, hmmmmmmm, oh YES; resting, sinking back into the earth, healing. I lived in Abu Dhabi for a while and it nearly made me crazy. sand and sun and the absolutely fixed point of the seasons, i.e. no seasons. couldn’t bear it.

    I think when you live so close to the land it is impossible not to think that everything is connected, its just a shame that people in the city, people with power (in many senses of the word), often think the opposite.


  13. smcasson says:

    I’ll join you on that limb! Thanks for all your encouragement and comments. I really like the idea of soul family and the feeling of coming home. Peace to you too.


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