Something weird has happened. I’m peaceful.
I’m really for realz peaceful, these last couples of days have been so peaceful that it almost makes me want to vomit, so overly joyous that its gross.
What a happy home! Golden. Warm.
I’m content with the changes we have made both in our relationship and our practical everyday life (well, shit is connected, isn’t it) and even though 2015 began with a major crisis in the forest (last nail in the coffin! Fuck this shit I’m outta here!) and a major crisis in my european world (everyone turning into nazi’s. Of course I feel for france! Doesn’t mean that we’re not being played because we are, turned against each other, hate, righteousness, fascism, these are such dangerous times)… still… yet… I’m peaceful.
I’m really, really peaceful.
I don’t think I’ ve ever been this much at home in my own skin before. I don’t think I have ever known this kind of peace.
I mean, sure, I know of the occasional bliss-storm or even a string of days where everything is just… so alive.
I know about that. But this is different.
Turmoil does not destroy me. Trouble does not obliterate me.
I’m in the eye of the hurricane right now, that must be it.
Everything around me is turning and swirling, increasingly faster but I breathe, breathe, I can feel my centre.
This is my morning chair and my favourite cup.
This is the man who knows how to make me laugh.
Grown up advice for you: you gotta stick with the people who knows how to make you laugh.
He’s making a record. There’s a deadline.
– but even him. He’s peaceful too.
The cabin is squeaking as I write this, I think the cold is on its way back, the fast falling temperature makes the logs murmur. Expand. Contract. The lake is making noises, breathing noises. We recorded the sound a couple of years ago and made this video, I don’t know if you’ ve seen it before but here it is
The singing differs though depending on day, temperature, general feel.
Tonight it is a deep rumbling.
January is the month of planning, always have been, always will be. We do not work. We talk. Debate. Discuss. Plan.
I wanted to write up a bullet point presentation of our plans and new projects and also I wanted to share with you my thoughts about my future as a blogger, I had all kinds of things, really, to say but they kind of evaporated or went to sleep in the dark.
I feel a great disturbance in the field. To paraphrase popular culture. Also, hey, climate change. Weirdness. I feel the people boiling. I see how relations are shattered, close enough, and hope trampled down from afar, I see stupidity and strategies of oppression, big brother, no, please don’t.
I hear butterfly wings and whisper, I hear my son breathing heavily besides me, I hear the lake rumble and the timber squeaking and I don’t why I feel peace, I don’t know if it is merely spite. Maybe it is.
But maybe it’s not.