In the eye of a hurricane

Something weird has happened. I’m peaceful.
I’m really for realz peaceful, these last couples of days have been so peaceful that it almost makes me want to vomit, so overly joyous that its gross.
What a happy home! Golden. Warm.

I’m content with the changes we have made both in our relationship and our practical everyday life (well, shit is connected, isn’t it) and even though 2015 began with a major crisis in the forest (last nail in the coffin! Fuck this shit I’m outta here!) and a major crisis in my european world (everyone turning into nazi’s. Of course I feel for france! Doesn’t mean that we’re not being played because we are, turned against each other, hate, righteousness, fascism, these are such dangerous times)… still… yet… I’m peaceful.
I’m really, really peaceful.

I don’t think I’ ve ever been this much at home in my own skin before. I don’t think I have ever known this kind of peace.

I mean, sure, I know of the occasional bliss-storm or even a string of days where everything is just… so alive.
I know about that. But this is different.
Turmoil does not destroy me. Trouble does not obliterate me.

I’m in the eye of the hurricane right now, that must be it.
Everything around me is turning and swirling, increasingly faster but I breathe, breathe, I can feel my centre.


This is my morning chair and my favourite cup.

This is my evening position.


This is the man who knows how to make me laugh.
Grown up advice for you: you gotta stick with the people who knows how to make you laugh.
He’s making a record. There’s a deadline.



– but even him. He’s peaceful too.

The cabin is squeaking as I write this, I think the cold is on its way back, the fast falling temperature makes the logs murmur. Expand. Contract. The lake is making noises, breathing noises. We recorded the sound a couple of years ago and made this video, I don’t know if you’ ve seen it before but here it is

The singing differs though depending on day, temperature, general feel.

Tonight it is a deep rumbling.

January is the month of planning, always have been, always will be. We do not work. We talk. Debate. Discuss. Plan.
I wanted to write up a bullet point presentation of our plans and new projects and also I wanted to share with you my thoughts about my future as a blogger, I had all kinds of things, really, to say but they kind of evaporated or went to sleep in the dark.

I feel a great disturbance in the field. To paraphrase popular culture. Also, hey, climate change. Weirdness. I feel the people boiling. I see how relations are shattered, close enough, and hope trampled down from afar, I see stupidity and strategies of oppression, big brother, no, please don’t.
I hear butterfly wings and whisper, I hear my son breathing heavily besides me, I hear the lake rumble and the timber squeaking and I don’t why I feel peace, I don’t know if it is merely spite. Maybe it is.
But maybe it’s not.

31 thoughts on “In the eye of a hurricane

  1. You are right.
    We are being played. the zeitgeist is a “great engine of false realities” (quote about the cold war that i recall from a piece on boris pasternak & isaiah berlin in the london review of books).
    Suddenly it’s all je suis charlie. (How about je suis iraqis, je suis yemenis, je suis afghanis? When they are bombed& droned, they are invisible.
    We must be like a mouse, tiny and beneath notice. Going about one’s daily mundane and menial tasks, not living in hate/violence, modeling the behaviors one wants to see, or trying to do so.
    change comes from the margins. You are writing from the real margins, but you might be a mighty mouse.
    ~ a


  2. PEACE is REAL! …… nice 😊
    the rest of the players need to finish the play acting, it is a play after all
    The best Play ever performed and we all learn according to our place and perspective, all in due time
    Makes me Happy you found the EYE or the I, how ever you wanna put it …. the wind is blowing up a Hurricane here in the land where DEN Marks the spot. We find peace in our own den our own place, Home is where the Heart is right 🙂
    The Kingdom is Within
    and all that ….. lets see what happens
    when we shine our light we are safe
    Light removes the dark
    PEACE 😊


  3. I am glad that you feel peace. I think that it is a perfectly sensible response to the crazy whirlwind going on around us. In fact, it is probably the only sensible response.
    There is a war of misinformation going on. So many contradictory messages being sent out into the world. It’s an avalanche. A barrage. A tsunami. Try to sort it out, attempt to extract some sense from it all, and it will engulf you. Make you give up in despair. Make you think that there is nothing you can do. Nothing you can do to change anything. Because it is all too big and confusing and complicated.
    And that is what the people controlling the flow of information want you to think. They prefer you to be confused and helpless. Feeling like somebody else has the answers. Then you will accept control. They can tell you what to do. And you can bet that what they tell you to do will be for their benefit not yours.
    So, it seems to me, that the only sensible thing to do. The only way to take back control. Is to decline to engage with the information flow. Refuse to go with the flow. Don’t follow everybody into the whirlwind. Instead, Act Strangely. Look for stories elsewhere. Outside. In the forest. In the lake. Listen to the wind. What does it tell you?
    It is what our ancestors did. Before there was TV, radio, internet, newspapers. Before there was NEWS.
    What I don’t like about News is that it is always chosen by someone else. It is always filtered in some way. Edited. It has to be. there is too much going on in the world. But, because it is edited, it is always biased. It is never the complete truth.
    Today, somewhere in the world, people were shot, killed, tortured, held hostage and raped.
    Today, somewhere in the world, people were kind, generous, helpful, lives were saved and children were born.
    I prefer to go outside and find out for myself what is happening in the small bit of the world with which i am in direct contact. Sometimes, what I find out there leads me to search out information about wider issues, world issues. But, difference is, I choose what leads I follow. And I feel more in control. I feel a little more peace.
    I think that you have been listening to the forest. Listening to the lake. Listening like our ancestors. And that has brought you a piece of their peace in these troublesome times.


    1. I could not agree with a comment more. Thank you, Andy! I stopped consuming (because that’s what it is really, isn’t it?) any news many, many years ago for all the reasons you state above. My husband stays slightly more informed than I do (via internet, no TV for us and no talk radio) so I just today got his short-hand version of the events in France. For me, it is all about sphere of control. I can control my consumption. I can choose to listen to the forest and the people around me. I choose not to listen to the hate and intolerance. If we humans can ever figure out why we are the only creatures who kill each other just out of hate, we might save ourselves from extinction.


      1. I was thinking of the media and propaganda a bit. My idea of “following the news” is to glance at what is happening, for say 5 minutes a day, just to get bare basic facts, e.g. fact – “killings in France”. Then, there is no point going beyond that, as you cannot trust what one source or another source says, or opinions they give, or omissions they make, or emotions they play with, so why waste time. Can spend that same time helping someone out so that one day someone somewhere is not so desperate as to kill. . . Sometimes it is interesting to analyze a certain story or topic, but for the most part, news is just a bunch of junk.
        Andy, I am totally with you about the accepting the control when people feel confused and hopeless. Nice writing.


    2. I, too, like NCFC, cannot agree more. Thanks Andy! And thanks Andrea for creating the forum for all this sharing. Very precious. We need this tribe of the internet to keep from feeling isolated. We are each other’s guidance system for staying on track.

      Last night we watched Bill Maher. It was all right until the end and then he did a monologue that was so irresponsible! So polarizing and so easy to cause misunderstanding! Even between ourselves we had a little fight. But we love each other and want to understand so we were able to work through it.

      Sometimes I worry that I am getting soft for the “conflict” by living out here. It is so easy to be peaceful. When I go to the urban area where there is so much misunderstanding I don’t know how to deal with it. I guess I have to keep reminding myself that the basis of dealing with it is staying with loving kindness.


  4. That lake song is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. I like tree singing, too. One moment I will never forget is 9/11 when all the planes stopped. I was outside and was immediately struck by the lack of plane noise overhead. I never realized that, even in our rural area, it is a backdrop to the modern life, not to be escaped. The person next to me commented, “Isn’t that eerie?” at the same time I was thinking, “Isn’t that beautiful?”


    1. NC, yes, so true. Europe has stricter standards as far as noise pollution that USA (think of Harley Davidson sounds as soon as spring hits around here!). We can barely hear birds in the spring as they are overshadowed by highway noise and airplanes. I think you will like this conversation and sounds:
      His stuff is also on Youtube. So yes, while it is still -12 outside, I can sit by the heater here and listen to the Forest Rain by Hempton. Ironically, guy went deaf. . life can be awfully cruel.

      Andrea, really nice recording. I will be looking forward to hear more if you guys find time.


      1. NC, yes, on Hempton piece, it is great, I thank Martha for sharing.
        Talking about France events, I got this from a friend: “12 people were killed this week by religious extremists, while 24,000 children die each day due to poverty. Of all the religious dogmas, it is capitalism — the idea that a person’s worth is based solely on how much they have taken — that represents the gravest threat to humanity.” — and lead to all other kinds of extremism.


        1. Based on the quote you mention above, you really must run, not walk, to your nearest library and check out “Ishmael”. The Leaver and Taker idea you mention is explored in depth there. One of those books that kind of changes everything.


  5. I loved the sounds in your video….the earth talking like that. What a mysterious sound! Honestly I’m sick of hearing people’s ego’s talk anymore, tired of looking at the same, and society goading me to ‘play along’. Nature is the only thing to counter being surrounded by that chaos (and the beautiful bliss of my sweet soft warm squishy child….). It’s a ‘recharge’ when you’ve had too much of the other. Sometimes I wonder if it’s the thing that will save us? To sit and listen, be ‘one’ with it.. I mean what’s the opposite? Man made chaos. We are nature so, how can we be so disconnected from ourselves? Can we really live in such denial for any longer? Is denying what we are and living so separate from it working? Just a theory…but I’d like to stick close to nature, it seems like the only real thing left.


    1. I have been struck lately by how most people’s daily activities and energy are spent on things that have nothing to do with basic survival. Things that are 100% meaningless to living. Things like video games, blockbuster movies and celebrity gossip and sports.

      I sort of feel disgusted by their time wasted. (The sports… I don’t know. I do like basketball and baseball, but I never spend my time watching and analyzing or talking about it.)

      I feel like a lonely weirdo at work. Nobody, nobody shares my desire to get back to nature. It does seem like the only real thing left. Seems like everything else is somewhat of a bandaid to cover a hole in our lives. (Here! This new gadget will make you happy for a week!)


      1. You said it, Scott. There are a few people, but they are still far in between. We are in typical suburbia, and around here, and at work, forget it. . But almost every state-run nature center around here now have nature programs for kids, my daughter attends and they spend almost entire time exploring. We have new schools opening based on Waldorf/Charlotte Mason/learning through nature. I also saw classes being offered on survival skills, mushroom gathering, beekeeping, fermenting foods – all at minimal cost local state programs. I saw wild survival classes offered by a local group at local college here. Our local farm here has things every weekend, we will go to see ice harvesting next week like they did in 1890. We go there all the time for blacksmithing, rope making, lambing, feeding animals, etc. True, it is never crowded in there like the malls.
        It does look encouraging to me, even if majority are still into their football games and celebrity stuff, and have no idea what a crepe is – just had this talk with a guy at work who kept saying a crepe is an omelet. 🙂 At least, there are things out there for those who want to chose otherwise.


      2. Yes, Scott…seems like it. Talk about frickin’ being ‘lonely’. When I was a kid, there was a time when I spent weekends at my Dad’s, a cabin in the woods without electricity, wandering in the woods….it was the best time of my life. Then I was programmed to want ‘things’, watch TV, to memorize celebrities and pop music. I got pretty lost and before I knew it I was the typical American… unhealthy, in debt, depressed, and ‘bored’. I’m not sure how I managed to cling to the side of that sewer and crawl out but I did…. and the only thing that makes sense, and has ever made sense is nature. To think of the time and years I wasted!!! I could have been inoculating mushrooms and instead I was doing fucking NOTHING! I want that time back!


      3. Great you seek out that stuff, bee! Sound like lots of fun. My mom was doing that sort of stuff recently, and became a master gardener, but I haven’t got the time now. So many projects that are near-emergencies around this old house… Let me know how the ice harvesting goes! (Emailed you) I have an old ice house on my property where they would store ice for summer!

        Tricia, I feel similarly (wasted time) but on the other hand, I had no opportunities like your dad’s cabin. I have always been in suburbia, except for Boy Scouts. But even that required the newest, lightest backpacking stove, etc.
        My family’s (wife and kids) going back to nature is an entirely new thing to our families (parents, siblings). I already swayed some with my wild cherry jam, harvested from my fencerows!


  6. Den store fred….jeg tror på at jeg vil finde den, den dag jeg har et bæredygtigt hjem til mig selv og børnene, dvs med brønd, brændeovn, mark og skov…


  7. I am experiencing similar feelings. Somehow a lot of the frustration and anger seem to have lessened. Not gone, but the edges have dulled or worn off…. Oddly enough there is also less bickering amongst the kids and if they do it is less vicious (girls). I mentioned it the other day to my wife and she agreed. Especially during the week after christmas there was an almost eerie peace around here.
    Maybe the rage had grown before the calm and we experience this lull as peaceful?
    The lake at your place sure sounds different then the ones here. The noises here are more sudden, loud, violent…. earthquake intense.


  8. enjoy and may it last long and feed the starved and broken hearts and wake the sleeping. sometimes your words sit so close to me, from across the planet and i like to think there’s a trail of forest leading from here (me) to there (you). you have a beautiful voice and i’m so happy you are (t)here. Bless bless.



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