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My oldest son walk pass the window and I’m watching him. He is wearing the thermo suit, boots, scarf up around the lower part of his face.
All of a sudden it is minus 20 and this is the diamond world.
He is carrying four wooden boards on his shoulders. Typical us. It’s so cold now that we decide to fix the loft. We could have fixed the loft earlier but we didn’t – there were so many other important things to do. Everything is so important. Sometimes everything is so important that I just sit down and drink coffee while I contemplate the importance…ness.
He likes to travel home, I know, I know he likes the life in the forest.
“Every time I visit you guys something has changed” he says, with a smile
“Every time I come home you have fixed something or done something, everything just gets better and better here”
Perspective is a good thing.
Me. I can’t see the forest from all of these trees standing in the way.
One needs to be taken down. Another needs to be pruned. Those over there just needs to be left alone.

*

I walk alone. I want to walk alone. I need time to walk alone.
Now that my whole family has exploded, supernova, shooting stars into the world, now that I’m old, now that I’ ve done what I wanted to, proven what I had to… there is silence. And walking.

I am drawn to the lake. The lake has begun its song of friction, fiction, whatever, the thunder from beneath, the ufo rave, a strange bass rhythm, these songs from the deep.
Water freezes. When water freezes the whole structure is changed. When the structure change the world sings.

The lake is murmuring, complaining, celebrating. Tales from another time, stories from the past and some golden glimpses of golden futures, I don’t know, I am just drawn towards it, I want to stand on the middle of the lake as an antenna, I want to be part of the big freeze.

 

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In the big freeze things crystallizes. For instance: I have been too keen to please, I have wanted acceptance from the wrong crowd, those bastards are stone cold, not in movement, like ice. I might just stop wanting acceptance, attention, love. I might embrace being a pissed off lady of the logs, sometimes she has things to say, sometimes she is silent but even when she’s silent or I try to ignore her then her bones squeak, creak, rumble, roar, never silent, she wants to be heard.
As if life wants to live. This is new to me. I wrote from another standpoint before, I wrote to survive, but I don’t think I do anymore.

This is huge! This is colossal! This is enormous! And a lot of other synonyms!
What change.
What brand new world.

I told you, didn’t I, that in norse mythology – the lore of my ancestors, these stories told for generations, down through the ages- the world was created by a giant named Ymir. The trees are said to be his eyelashes, the rivers  his blood veins, the mountains, you see, they are his skeleton.
Ymir literally means: unarticulated sound.
Not a ready-made world, no, not like that, but a world we constantly create.
Give it words. Rhythm.
In the beginning there was sound…

I stand by the lake and I listen to some kind of birth. I think.

I want to leave the lakeshore and disappear into the diamond world, as if fairies sing from there, as if elfs and trolls dance around out there in the circle of the sun.

 

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… but I walk home. To my house. To my loved ones. To my duty. To my wood burning stove and my broken loft. You can’t crawl back into the womb, you have to proceed, onwards, onwards, we go!
Besides I can’t really breathe in the big freeze, ice crystallizes around my mouth and on my chin. Skin.
Fire and ice.
I’m ready for the new world. I heard it. I’m telling you.
It’s coming.

14 comments on “The big freeze

  1. BeeHappee says:

    🙂 ❤
    You old? Since when?
    “Sometimes everything is so important that I just sit down and drink coffee while I contemplate the importance…ness.” 🙂 Welcome to the club.
    “In the big freeze things crystallize”
    Like Eumaeus said in one of his posts, you were looking for alive among the dead. You were looking for persimmons among the Cavendish. 🙂

    Like

  2. Well, I was the first among my peers to get pregnant, the first to marry, the first to divorce, the first to remarry and now I’m the first to feel old, turning 40 is hard you know! 😉

    But I mean it though, I think something is coming. I head in by the lake.
    Or maybe it was in the dark in the days before solstice. I can’t remember. Oh. This life. I read this article and it’s good, it’s about why we need the dark: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/20/opinion/why-we-need-the-winter-solstice.html?_r=1
    The best thing in the world? To lay down in the dark and listen to the silence, the sounds from the lake, in the silence, in the dark.

    Like

    1. BeeHappee says:

      Nice article, Andrea. Yes, definitely so true. Even on the physiological side, it has been proven that constant light sources or sleep lights mess up your hormone cycles, fertility, and god knows what else.

      Being first one. . Well, you are just so much more wiser now. 🙂
      I was trying to sit in silence in dark last night, only to have kids wake up some 7 times or more to check on Santa. . So much for silence. 🙂

      Like

  3. BeeHappee says:

    Thanks, Andrea. And ran into this for you, for some smiles 🙂

    Like

  4. Søren says:

    From the Alfa to the Omega
    Two Perfect sferes, two Oxygen Atoms, the Omegas, the Word
    One spark, one Hydrogen Atom, One firery gas
    In Holy Union you get Water, H2O, the Flow of Life
    Life wants to Flow, We flow along
    From the Mountain Top through the Valley og the shadow of death and to the wast Blue Sea, thats where we end, where we feel free
    Then we rise and manifest and do it all over again
    How Wonderful Life IS 🙂

    When I see the Ocean, I allways get this, almost uncontrollable urge, to just jump in, let go, decend into absolute stilness, merge myself with All there IS, Die and rise in one fluid motion ….

    I LOVE the Sea

    Like

  5. Søren says:

    “From here you can almost see the Sea” – David Gray,
    great song 😊

    Like

  6. Scott says:

    There is healing power in just absorbing the silence and sound of the bitter cold. One of my favorite things to do in winter is just to listen. Late at night in the dark. Like tonight, the moon like an empty drinking bowl, a sky full of little pinpricks, frost gathering thickness by the second…

    If only the damn dogs and cows would shut up.

    Like

  7. Scott says:

    Oh, and I like the idea of your family shooting stars into the world! Neat little picture, that…

    Like

  8. Sofie says:

    Jeg kan så meget genkende denne her “Sometimes everything is so important that I just sit down and drink coffee while I contemplate the importance”…. hvor har jeg ofte haft det sådan siden jeg fik tvillinger for 4 år siden…. nu begynder det at tage lidt af hehe… Tak for din dejlige blog. Det bekymrer mig lidt at du er gammel…. for så er jeg olding, og det var jeg ikke klar over *S*

    Like

  9. ditlev palm says:

    andrea – brave heart.. may be on way not to be some ones elses perfect.. after all – You are a pissed off Lady in the Logs – sometimes some things to say – sometimes so easy to understand – that is You – are all right – the big freeze is a slow grinder – steady and solid – takes a spring and a summer to curb it – soon.. B|

    Like

  10. BeeHappee says:

    Andrea, I just saw your article on the Dark Mountain (thank you!), and wanted to share this with you that I just read, which is really same topic:

    Like

  11. Tres Jolie says:

    I am pissed off, too. I was just cursing the hay that wouldn’t come apart into smaller flakes so I could give the animals the right amount. I think I am just congenitally pissed off. I have not discovered any way of not being pissed off… yet. I just have to wait until the moment passes and try not to act out in front of other people who do not understand.

    Your pictures just chill me to the bone. I can feel the frozen air and the ice crystals. Amazing!

    Like

  12. Lissa says:

    You know I have been having the same feeling for the past few weeks. Like something momentous is about to occur. A birth, a seismic shift. It is something mind blowing and amazing. I am a little excited and afraid. But whatever it is it is coming.

    Like

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