The gift of dawn

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Tonight I’ll be participating in a panel discussion about revolution arranged by Politiken Talks. Normally I’d wouldn’t leave the forest for a single event but this subjects interests me, I do believe we live in an evil empire (destructive to both people and planet) I do believe resistance is necessary, fight fascism, long live the resistance!
I’ll be back in the forest tomorrow. It’s necessary that I’ll be back in the forest tomorrow. I have things I need to do. In practical real life.

“I gotta go hunting little bear cup. Just for a day. I’ll be back tomorrow”
“Where are you going hunting?”
“In the forest”
“Nah. You hunt in the city!”
Mamma bear laughs
“True little one. I’m going to the city to hunt. I’ll bring back a golden rainbow fish!”
“Can’t you hunt some lego too?”
Then she kisses him on his big fat cheeks. This bear cup is well nourished, this bear cup is thriving, it’s all right if she leaves.

Pappa Bear and Mamma Bear had a real hard conversation, all night they were talking, groaning, sighing, crying, caressing, awakening themselves, or the other, from year long hibernation, it takes a while. Threads that needs to be untangled. Fur balls in the mouth. And so they made plans for the season. Solstice is not far away now, a new beginning is close.

As I slowly walk out of the forest I look to the new moon. It’s does more than shine, it does more than sparkle, it does more than spread light on the frost covered trees, the crisp grass, the thin, thin layer of ice on the lake. It does MORE.
(everything seems so edible)
The sky is baby blue, not dusty, the sky is clear, newborn and somehow male.
The world feels like silver. The lakes are dark blue, black, light blue, quivering with life and as I walk the forest roads I feel such calm. The sunrise. The new moon. The lakes. The breathing forest. My pawns. Gently.

Closer to town I met the school children. They’re standing by the road waiting for the school bus. It’s chilly this morning. They hide in their jackets. They nod to me as I nod to them. We do that out here. In the districts.
Three deer pass the road.
Deer used to be my totem, for the longest time I related so much to deer. Now it’s bear. To be honest it’s raven but I think raven is a bit too popular with the henna crowd so I stick with bear, maybe I have two totems, maybe I have three.
A fox standing still, observing me. Are these horsetracks on the road?

Crisp. Sparkling. Clear. Earth is breathing. Stretching. Moving.
A round ball in the horizon. I can’t keep my eyes from it. Orange. It makes everything orange and rose. The trees are now pink. The lakes are pink. The mountains. The mist. The sun seems feminine in the sense that feminiminiwiminitity is such a force of nature, do not mess with this! The sun!
The moon has no gender. The moon is the observer but really, truthfully, more the alarm clock.
(and nothing has a gender, not even us, these are just ways I try to describe what is indescribable)

I wish I took my children to the forest earlier.
To Sigurd this world is not strange nor exotic, not even defendable, it just IS but for the rest of us it’s different. We CHANGED worlds. We remember something else. Thus we are bound to eternal comparison and this outlandish feeling, maybe it will never go away.

Next year I’ll be 40.
3 of my four children have already left my house.I lived a thousand lives in 20 years, 40 years and now, as I enter some kind of third stage I am clearly perplexed and confused. It is the matter of integrating worlds. This is not an easy task. Past. Present. Future.
The world I come from. The world of society. The world I live in. The world of nature. Can’t one have several worlds at the same time? Are they mutually exclusive? Are they? Couldn’t we built some kind of bridge maybe? Cross this angry river?

I wish I had given my children more of this world of the new moon. I wish they had more of that in their rucksack.
I see them walk down the streets, I see them navigate, I talk to them and I know they thrive it’s just that I wish I had given them more dawn. I wish I hadn’t been so controlled by fear and other peoples expectations plus my own ambition and, honestly, cowardice and egoism.
Clearly one has to make compromises, we all do, even those who live the most radical lives of all- everyone has to make compromises, adapt, change, awaken, fall asleep, awaken. It’s just that we all spent so much time staring at walls or screens and a little bit too little staring at the new moon and the dawn. It seems important to observe the dawn… is what mamma bear thinks as she steadily walks down the road, senses alert, herself awake.

Thoreau said something about paths and tracks that stayed with me, me being someone who tracks and all.
He said that we humans follow the same paths repeatedly, tradition or common laziness keeps us there whereas animals migrate, they sense their surroundings, adapt, move, they make new tracks. This being a yule calendar I’d like to pass on his point. It seems as if we humans tend to forget to change paths once in a while, as if the structures around us are so firm we can’t even move. In another direction. But making new paths as well as returning to old huntings grounds, this is not dangerous, this is only natural, is it not? We move. The world move.

Then I pass a giant flock of geese that have been standing on the same field for weeks now, I have never seen that before. Maybe they’re waiting for the last ones of their flock or maybe this anti-winter or climate change has disturbed their senses, I don’t know, it seems as if they should have flown south a long time ago, what do they even eat?
It disturbs me to see them there. I want to ask them but then I’ll miss my train.

The subject for tonight is revolution. What I have to say about revolution is very simple.

Don’t wait for it. It’s already here. Open your eyes. Look outside!
What a spectacular dawn.
Solstice, solstice, I feel you.

Grunt.

8 thoughts on “The gift of dawn

  1. Andrea, I love it, love it, love it!!!! SUPER beautiful post, almost made me cry.. Good luck with your hunt with your talk, excited for you.
    Would like to hear your impressions and opinions from the discussion. What is revolution for you? I notice you mention fighting fascism (what is that anyway?) a lot. Is that the main thing?
    These are hard subjects for me as they are intertwined in my personal life and experiences.

    Since I had been posting songs, here is one for you. .

    Ooops gotta catch the train also this morning, just for a different “revolution”.

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  2. I know you know about the abuse triangle (victimizer, victim, savoir), it applies just asmuch to collectlives as it does to individuals. So todays revolutionary becomes tomorrows dictator, becomes tomorrrows enslaved citizen …. what makes you Think this generation is any different …. history has proven beyond any reasonable doubt that this is how all revolutions end up, fallen empires …..

    I have a challenge for you:
    If you will,
    elaborate on the Gift of Foregiveness
    – not in terms of Foregiveness towards other people (that will follow)
    But forgiving our selves, for living life, for making mistakes, for being fake, for not being good enough, for not feeling worthy, for not loving our selves enough, for not loving our selves at all, for not becoming, for just being us, for just being

    It just dawned on me, we dont need Killers or Critics in this world, we’re doing a Hell of a job our selves …… endless blaming and shaming

    You can take the Challenge or just leave it, cos you have your free will

    December is the time we bring in the light and when we do that we create the shadows. Shadow are not darkness, they are just the projection of what IS ….. you saw darkness the other night and its not scary at all …..

    So what is it that Scares the Hell (light in German) out of us!?
    Our own Freaking projection!! ….

    Its Time for the Truth to be revieled about how it really IS
    – I have a feeling we will see some thuths in the media as Well
    All this collective Fakery has gone on long enough
    We are all Fed-up!
    – are we not?!

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  3. I am an American mom of five kids. Your writing not only inspires me daily but it causes me to question and think. There is no better gift. Thank you.

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  4. Soren, I like your thinking. When I was a kid there was a Russian cartoon (will have to dig it up) about the poor and the dragon who guarded all the money. When a little boy defeated the dragon, all were celebrating the freedom.. only to watch the little boy slowly morph into the dragon pouring the gold through his fingers. .. made sense to me when I was 5 and makes sense now.
    So we are trying to do something, something that will help us feel better about ourselves.. whether seeing dragons in others or seeing dragons in ourselves or not seeing dragons at all.. 🙂
    Give someone a hug today and start the “revolution”..

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  5. Like Elvis sings:
    ” I am a hermafrodit in disguise” … or was that Devil 😉
    I have no gender
    My Body is Pink and my Mind is Blue
    Never let history dictate who you can be
    If we do we go backwards, degenerate

    Nothing new under the Sun
    All dreams exist already
    They just have to be seen

    Some duede Said it very simply:
    “Know Thy Self” and do No Harm,
    But if you do, cos you will
    Forgive Your Self right away

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  6. I re-read again (a beauty of your posts that you can read 20 times and still find something!), and thinking of your feelings about your children. And about our approaching 40-yr midlife crisis. 🙂 Can relate. It is just being a mom, thinking all the time, had I given them enough. Had you given them the entire universe, what would they have left to discover for themselves? I wonder if the geese and the deer and the fox and the bear think to themselves when their young ones go: had I given them enough?
    Maybe we can train ourselves to change tracks/paths. Sometimes it is just as simple as starting with little tricks, like taking a different train back home or changing the car route to where you normally do not go. 🙂 Life is simple, remember. Hugs. Will visit next summer for tea and cookies if you will have us. 🙂

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  7. Thank you for a post which includes my name in the title! My parents gave me the name as it represented a new start in their lives. I always appreciated that thought and probably am one of the few people who liked their name growing up. It is a prophetic thing to name someone after any force of nature, I suppose. I hear you about the totem animals. I used to think mine was deer, as well and, since becoming a mother, bear is more likely or maybe wolf. I like the idea that your totem animal is not necessarily one you like and may even be one you are afraid of but it represents something important about you, where you’ve been and where you’re headed. Hope all went well with the talk.

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