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c c cha aaanges

I said it like it is. In the forest… everything changes. All the time. It´s the first rule of the forest, it´s the hardest thing to realize and embrace, so contradictory to all that we are taught (to strive towards).
Anyways. Everything changes. The secret animal paths stays the same, the elk, the bear, the wolfes, they walk this way but this way changes, just as the river, every day. It´s the wind, the taste of the air, it´s the sky, the water, the soil itself, it changes.

So let´s recount.

It´s not a secret. My book sparkled some debate, I was blown away and perplexed down to my socks to realize what it has come to. I think society has become totalitarian and me… I don´t know about me, I don´t know who I am anymore. I really suck at being a “public figure” because everytime someone say something bad I take it face value. Truth. Besides: I can´t stand the sight of myself anymore, it´s too much, furthermore it´s a business, it´s a machine and it eats you, the industry. It swallows you, spits you out, and boom there you are: entertainment. So I became quiet. For a long while. Recently I answered some questions though for danish newspaper Information.
– and that whole thing made me think A LOT.
Some of the thoughts can be found at my danish blog.
Main thought: how to dismantle any protest by calling it narcissistic. How to shut down any protest by creating a very limited space for public discourse.
If I go to the doctor I´m a freeloader.
If I don´t go the doctor the state is justified in taking my children.
If I do speeches I´m selfabsorbed/fake.
If I don´t do speeches I´m antisocial and egoistical.
If I mind my own business and stay at home to bake buns- I´m a bad feminist. If I blog about the role of the sexes…there we go with the selfabsorbed/fake again….
You can´t win. Narrow discourse.

I think there is some rebellion to explored here. I think there is some kind of protest. The arts seems to be a battleground and to me there´s a lot of existential questions buried here. For instance: maybe the artist is the most un-free of all positions. You need the recognitions, the readers, there is a total LOSS of power, of agency, in the position of the artist. You give it all away.
So. That´s a problem.
(but I´m really tired of thinking about it so the change is this: I won´t talk about it anymore. Smiley. I´ll focus on the everyday living. Heart)

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Other news:

We´ve been sick this whole spring. Some bacteria really got to us and we´ve spent most of the time in bed. Living like this sucks when you´re sick because living like this DEMANDS some kind of emotional surplus.
It´s a hard life when you´re really, really sick and you have to make all of the food, carry the water, fetch the firewood. And when you look out the window everything is so beautiful, it´s almost stresful: come on! Enjoy this! Swim into the sunshine and be happy, you country punk!… but we´ve been vomiting and eating pills. That´s a fact.

(he´s a hero. Fixing firewood. While vomiting)
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(he´s so valiant, poor little sick guy)

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So lets look at the other people:

Maja, our writer neighbourg is doing really well. She runs a small wilderness hotel to support herself and her son, her newest book is being published later this month and just yesterday she stopped by with supplies for us (yeah, out car broke down, such is the law of things, if one thing breaks like, for instance, your sense of self, everything else breaks down too). We ate some cake and talked for a while. She´s a really good neighbor. I love that she´s here. Another neighbor is helping us with trying to fix the car. I love that too. I really love the neighbors, I wish there were more of them, I wish our community was bigger, I dream about communities these days.

(building)

 

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My children are leaving. Victoria dropped out of school to become a sailor, she´s sailing on an old sailship, taking a traditional, naval education instead, tomorrow they set sails and off she goes, my lovely, stubborn, strong one. She´s a butterfly now. She´s a rose in bloom. Sorry for the cliché but it´s fucking amazing to observe. I follow the ships facebookpage. Lovely images.

 

Sebastian is moving to Copenhagen to study (if you have a room he can rent or a job, don´t hesitate to write me: andreahejlskov@gmail.com). It´s the same with him. All of a sudden he became a handsome young man. I´m so proud of him! Generous, empathic, strong, funny. For all of the things I did wrong in my life I DID DO these things right. I raised four amazing children.
But oh how my heart aches, these days, how it hurts to see them leave.

(the path they follow)

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Two last things. I´d like to ask for your help and/or ideas.

I´d like to have my book translated to english and I´d like to give it out for free. After a bit of strugle and debate – I now own the rights to it. Which is nice. But how do I do it?
I can´t afford to pay anyone for a translation (or setting it up as an e-book) and given that I´d like it to be free there´s not a lot of money coming this way. Ideas?

It´s become really hard for me to write in english. It´s a problem to me because choosing to communicate in english is an ideology. People of the new paradigme need to stand together, acros borders, we need open source, we need communication. As an author though I feel totally amputated though. I´m not able to express the things I want to express.
I was thinking that maybe the family should go somewhere for a month or two this winter (somewehere where they speak english. The goal is to integrate the language so much that I begin to DREAM in english and I´m thinking it could be good education for the kids too). Ideas?

Last thing: Facebook is messing with the pages of small bloggers like me. My posts are not being shown. Instead of being annoyed by this I´ll just say: keep an eye on this blog, this is my platform. Changes are coming and this is where we´ll jump from (when time comes). Right now for instance we´re gathering raspberry leaves for thea (our newest strategy of income). Sounds exiting, huh! 😉

Courage and strength and thank you, really, for all of your kind words of encouragement. They mean the world to us!

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This entry was posted in Blog.

10 comments on “c c cha aaanges

  1. Joan says:

    Thank you for this blog. It makes me dream and puts words to stuff that has been going on inside of me for a while. And that’s a fact. 😉

    You will probably never live to see the day when everyone agrees with your choices or your way of living – don’t let that wear you down. I admire you for walking your talk. And I appreciate the time and courage you bring forth to share your thoughts and experiences with the rest of us. If we don’t share, we don’t learn. If we do not share truthfully, we learn the wrong stuff. So there…

    Like

    1. Yup! I totally agree 🙂

      Like

  2. Luise says:

    Hej Andrea
    I forbindelse med jeres ‘drøm på engelsk’ projekt: I må gerne låne vores lille hytte på landet til vinter. I Scotland, fem kilometer fra Lockerbie, i smukt lavlands landskab.
    Hvis I ønsker at lære at drømme på skotsk 😀
    Mvh
    Luise

    Like

    1. Wow. Thanks! Jeg vender lige tilbage. Det bedste ville være en masse mennesker at snakke med jo. Jeg skal have det her sprog ind under huden hvis det skal fungere. Lige nu læser jeg en masse bøger på engelsk og ser engelske film men det er jo ikke helt det samme… 🙂

      Like

  3. Angela Payne says:

    I love your blogs. If I could translate your book I would do it for free. If I had someplace for you to stay in the winter I would invite you to our small homestead, to learn English. Please don’t give up Let me see if I could find a place you could stay in the US for the winter. What you are doing si very important.

    Like

  4. Peter Kristian Mose in Toronto says:

    Andrea, your English writing skills and ability to communicate are fine: you can do your own translation. You’ll just need an English editor to check for blemishes.

    Like

  5. Trine says:

    Hej Andrea

    Jeg synes også dit engelsk er fint, men forstår godt hvis opgaven virker lidt uoverskuelig at gå i kast med selv. En ide ku måske være at dele arbejdsbyrden ud på flere hænder? Mon ikke der findes en håndfuld læsere derude med gode engelsk skills, som har mod på at oversætte 1-2 kapitler hver? Så kan du selv sidde og rette folks oversættelser igennem med de poetiske og rytmiske briller på, så det stadig bliver din stemme, men uden at du behøver skrive hele bogen om igen på et nyt sprog. Til allersidst ku man evt bede en indfødt englænder tjekke for sproglige fejl.

    Håber projektet lykkes. Og håber at I også lykkes med at få den forårs-snue banket af banen inden længe 🙂

    Kh Trine

    Like

  6. Andy says:

    I love the way you use the English language. It seems to me to be very direct and honest and authentic. Just go ahead and write your book in English. I am not an editor by trade but I was an English teacher, I am a native speaker and now I try to write. I would be happy to read what you write and give feedback if that is helpful.
    I could also possibly find room in my house for your family next winter. We have plenty of room but I will need to talk with my wife and son and dog and cat about it. It could be possible. We live in Shropshire in the UK.
    People are often threatened by those who choose to live differently, who question the status quo. And they often react by making fun of the differences. An attempt to render what you do laughable so they don’t have to take your ideas seriously. One way to respond is to laugh at yourself, refuse to take yourself seriously. This has the effect of neutralising their mockery so that they, not you, appear absurd.
    What you are doing is wonderful and inspiring.
    Good luck

    Like

  7. Tori says:

    I think translating your book into English is a great idea, and having it be free is amazing as well! In today’s society, everything is money money money, you rarely see bartering or favors done (without something expected in return). I don’t know if you’re still looking into translating your book into English, but I do think it’s a good idea to write it in English yourself, and have someone edit it for you. I actually have experience in that area (wink wink). I have a friend who’s first language is Polish, and I’ve helped her when she’s written papers for her English classes. Also, I helped edit someone who was writing a story/blog, and English was not her first language either. So if you need it, I would love to help.

    Like

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