For those of you who have followed me a while (thank you, thank you!) you know this to be true: I´m a cyclic blogger. Sometimes I step off the internet for a while and every two year or so I create a new blog. This is the way it works best. For me. It´s like I´m turning pages in a book, like starting on a new chapter.
So yeah. It´s that time again.
A couple of days ago it was dark moon. The night just before the new moon, when everything is dark, really, really, really dark, so dark that when you step outside and stretch your hand forward your hand disappears. Into the darkness.
I consider Dark Moon to be dangerous times, I´m always a bit nervous and torn on dark moons because it´s not only dark, it´s also silent, it´s like the world stops breathing for just a second, for a second it STOPS.
And then it begins again.
My role in the broader community has changed (because of the book). I used to bake rye bread and speculate, I use to plant seeds and wonder, I used to do the dishes and long for IMPACT. Suddenly it came and I won´t speak too much about it, because it´s irrelevant, but all of the thoughts, the shame, the insecurity, the fear (am I just a new kind of entertainment, am I self-absorbed, shouldn´t I be waving flags on barricades instead?) plus all of the petty emotions of jealousy and paranoia…. suddenly all of that which I left behind caught up with me. And I had to deal with it. The last thing. The ambition.
Moving here has been a total transformation. It is fitting that this crisis should come. It´s appropiate and necessary.
And someone made a point out of telling me that I didn´t have the RIGHT to… whatever, and someone died and someone banished me and someone whispered “it seems like it´s all her project alone, like she´s in it for the money or the fame”, dark moon, dark moon, not to mention the war, the injustice, the exploitation, I can´t stand to watch it anymore, to know it.
I´ve had enough.
Having a voice also means having the right to withhold that voice.
Keep on your feet. Alert. Flexible.
The problems we all face are complex, complex solutions are needed. Not ONE solution. Myriads.
We tried to liberate ourselves, came to realize that a lot of the institutions live in our heads, came to realize that even our dreams are not our own.
In the darkness
In the darkness we fall.
We stumble. Face down. In the mud.
This is season of the mud.
So we grabbed a hold of each other because we´re really cripples and we talked all night.
Which reminded me of full moon.
Here´s a picture of last months full moon. Reflecting. Powerful. Clear.
The hens have had chicken. We have begun the spring cleaning (which means: getting rid of junk, ah, the junk, how it creeps in on you!). I made a washing station in the kitchen, it made a huge impact on our lives. My daughter has gone sailing the seven oceans. My sons all love me. A tree fell in the storm. We have a thousand plans, like always. I´m baking rye bread. Women have moved to the forest. Sometimes we meet and mend socks. Today, while I was staring out the window, two ravens flew across, above, chasing each other, fighting each other, they live in a certain place not far from here, I havn´t heard them for a while, it worried me, I need to hear them, I did.
The moon is gaining strength and so am I. Starved, almost fragile, like a baby, hungry.
I don´t quite know what the next chapter will bring.
But it´s coming.
Thank you, all, for all of your support and your kind hearts. It means the world to me!
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