First time I heard about Dark Mountain was here in Sweden.
A Swedish couple came to see us. They brought with them this manifesto. I read it, I nodded and then I didn´t think much more off it. We had so much on our hands.
The Swedish couple worked in the Administration. They had been trying to change the system from within for decades now… they we´re completely disillusioned, much more than Jeppe and me at the time. Environmentalist. Researchers. They KNEW what was going on but they couldn´t do a thing about it, structurally, so they were selling all of their belongings, they were leaving… just as we were.
“We can´t even talk about these matters with our friends and family anymore” they complained “It´s like we´ve become contaminated with some disease, everybody looks the other way, they won´t have this conversation with us”.
“Yeah, it´s like they think we´re radicalised, fanatics, extremists or something” and with the same voice they said “But we´re not. We´re scientists!”
I nodded, again, and we ate dinner while the kids jumped around in the furniture in our tiniest cabin and for a short while none of us felt lonely.
This civilisation is wrong. It is socially, economically and environmentally wrong.
And it´s hard to talk about because people take it personally if you do.
Also there is a great sorrow. I´ve written about it before. It´s a sense of loss.
Loosing the welfare state or any trust in authorities, laws, justice… it does leave you lonely. Heartbroken and lonely. So although I try to focus on the positive change, although I try not to piss you off and to tell stories about alternatives, not death, there is still this fact: Yes. I do believe that the world as we know it is coming to an end.
Back when I was a research assistant at the university my professor said to me… he said this in a break, I vividly remember the black coffee in the white plastic cup, he said it, laughed and went on to talk about social psychology as if what he had said would not fundamentally chock me. He said “Andrea. You must be the most postmodern human being I have ever encountered”.
That sort of left me hanging there. Coming from a professor in postmodernism it made an impact on me, not sure if it was a compliment or a critique. Naturally.
But he had a point, off course. I am a fragmented human being, I suffer from the hyper reflexion, shattered mirrors, I´m not even sure if the table is really there or if it is merely a social construction. Religion? Morals? Pffth! Flavor of the month!
I´ve changed though. I´ve became more solid, heavy like soil. Over the years I realized that there is one fundamental fact beneath our existence, my existence. Earth.
There is ground beneath my feet.
I don´t think this civilisation can be changed enough nor soon enough to make it matter.
But I can´t stop living, this- refusal- makes me human, this- stubbornness- keeps me sane.
We can´t just quit you know. We can´t just sit there and wait for the collapse, for everything to come out in the open- it´s allready there. We live in an empire thus a resistance is required and the resistance is not a cool gang, it´s not an organisation or a trend, the resistance is YOU and resistance is something you choose… out of ethics, out of morality, hell, even spirituality!
All of the things that we loved to deconstruct, these are the things we must construct.
The apathy was killing me, my husband, we were dying, that´s why we ran, that´s why the Swedish couple ran… but running is not giving up. Far from it.
Running is feeling the ground beneath your feet. Stomping. Stomping.
By the way. If you want to look at some pretty summer pictures I posted some on facebook. They make me happy.