There is a great imbalance in the world. In me.
I´m not sure the imbalance is bad though. I´m not sure the world is supposed to be balanced. Maybe this need for balance is my human need for order and organisation, structure. Maybe I try to conquer the world by demanding it to be balanced. Me. I´m not balanced. I´ve tried to be balanced all my life, I´ve been fighting for the balance, I´ve been fighting real bad. For some kind of peace. Some kind of equilibrium.
When you move out, into nature, you´re supposed to become balanced.
You´re supposed to be in touch with nature, yourself, the spiritual, Mother, herself.
It´s amazing how firm we have defined what it means to do what we have done. And how we´re supposed to feel about it.
Is this balance?
I´m not balanced. I´m not calm. I´m not at peace. I havn´t reached Nirvarna.
And I´m beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, that´s ok.
Maybe I should stop feeling guilty about it. Maybe I should just stop, you know.
Kind of feels like a waste of time. Maybe it dosn´t matter that I have to work in front of the computer now and then. Even when I would rather tend to the harvest or dig in the soil. Maybe it dosn´t matter that I would rather swim in the lake or never interact with a human being (besides my family) ever again, maybe it dosn´t matter that I would rather be a solitary bear… because I´m not and I can´t.
We all have to do what we have to do. It´s not like you reach some kind of state of absolute perfect balanced bliss and life never has to suck again. I don´t think it´s like that. I don´t think it´s supposed to be like that.
What matters though, what makes all the difference in the world is that I can do this.
I can look up. I can look down. I can look allround. I can center myself. When I feel sad, mad, bad. Not balanced. Centered. Though.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. You can preorder my book here. I hope you will because it matters: http://www.limfjordsforlaget.dk/