To wash our laundry I have to drive to the nearest tiny town where two washing machines are located in the basement of the community house.
Sure we want a washing machine. We´re thinking something pedal-driven but we havn´t gotten around to solve that problem. Yet.
I was driving pass these white lakes, over the mountains (well, mountains and mountains… hills) when I saw the most beautiful raven, flying above an old birch tree.
Every time I see a raven I feel god. You know. Like god, the all-seing Odin is somewhat present. Or magic. Or love. Some presence of some sort. Mother nature if you will and if nature was a person.
I did the laundry.
On the way home I drove into the ditch.
The roads are slippery from the Rally cars and besides I was driving too fast. no need to fake the facts. The car stopped half a meter before a tree. Halfway turned upside down not far from the swamp (which is luckily totally frozen)
I´ve gotten soft.
After we moved into this cosy house I have gotten all soft.
Last winter, when we lived in the other cabin, it was not at all like this. We were always alert, on guard, we felt the danger, everywhere, we didn´t relax.
I was annoyed that I had to do the laundry. I was having an excellent time on the sofa with a cup of thea, all cosy and warm. So I said to myself “fuck this shit” and then I just drove off, without a jacket, wearing cross, the air conditioning on turbo heat.
I crawled out of the car. Nothing had happened not to me nor the car but I was afraid that the car would fall even further down.
I was lucky- but then it struck me: sheisse mamma, I was several kilometers away from home, wearing crocs, not wearing a jacket. No equipment in the car.
I told you. We have gotten soft. We are not prepared.
There was nothing to do but to wrap the shawl around me – and start walking.
It would be dangerous to stay. It´s not like a lot of cars drive these roads and besides it was not THAT far away from home. It would take a couple of hours to get there.
I was making large noises as I walked, a kind of singing I guess.
It was a comforting thing to do.
The spruces were dark, almost black and these thick layers of snow on the branches looked like whipped cream.
Everything was so black and white.
Do you know what it means when the world is black and white? It means that there is no discussion nor any valid excuses.
There is only one way. Forward.
I stumbled uphill due to the stupid idiotic fucking ugly shitty crocs.
It was even worse downhill when all of the snow would fill the crocs. I didn´t fall though.
I´m proud about this fact.
I know the way home. I know every stone and that overturned root from a fallen pine that looks exactly like a female troll, giant hair and a twisted smile. “Hi there!”
I walked as fast as I could, not wanting the cold to catch me.
Halfway running, bend over myself, shawl around my head, I most have looked like an old lady and maybe I was for these murmuring noises escaping me… they sounded old.
I came to the crossroad that leads to our house.
As soon as I saw footsteps in the snow I felt safer. I walked all the way home, following the footsteps of my son, yesterdays footsteps.
It was getting dark. I was getting cold. So cold! I became quiet. I became slow.
Then I heard it.
A fluttering of wings to my left.
I looked but there was nothing there.
A few minutes later the sound of wings to my right, a bird taking off from some branch but when I looked there was still nothing there. Everything was so quiet.
I´m close now. I´m close to home.
There! The little path that leads to the lake.
Fluttering. Louder. This time to my left again.
It was kind of disturbing. A little bit frightening but also comforting.
It´s weird. The world is so fucking weird- do you even realize!?
The red plastic shining through the snow hiding the rockwool that we´re going to use to finish the roof, come spring. The black tar paper on the facade of the house. The bird- feeding tipi. The solar panel. The trailers we lived in last summer, they´re so ugly.
Sitting on the sofa, covered in blankets, drinking hot cocoa…. I decide to toughen up. All of this comfort makes me inattentive.
It can´t happen again.
You need to pay attention!
I don´t have any pictures from today but my friend Ingi just mailed me some that he took while he was here for the Rally.
Kind of appropriate with a car theme to this post.
Tomorrow our neighbour will pull our car up from the ditch, using his tractor.
I don´t know what we would have done without them.