Last night Tomas and Nina dropped by. We talked about old times and now they´re gone again.
They are wanderers, you see.
Those people still exists. With their boots and their free spirit and all.
We have a history with Tomas and Nina.
Last year around this time, around this time EXACTLY they also came to visit. We lived in a small cabin (see our story here) but although our house was always filled with folks we still felt utterly alone. Defeated. Betrayed. Disappointed. Taken advantaged of. Confused. Helpless.
We´ve seen Tomas and Nina and all of the other people since then though and it´s not like those winter emotions destroyed the friendships per se.
People still come to our house.
I never understood why. I never saw my self as a people’s person and we surely didn´t move far- far- away to surround ourselves with people.
It´s just something that happened…. and it´s something I have begun to deeply appreciate.
Like this summer, when Tomas came. Walking down the dirt road shirtless, a feather in his hat and a wooden bowl and spoon hanging from his belt. His dog by his side and the sun was shining.
Oh, happy days.
He came now and then. For a cup of tea, maybe some dinner, always to check his email.
I´ve never seen a man working as hard as him. With a scythe he cut down grass and dried it on old-fashioned poles. He grew so many vegetables on that little spot of land. He tended to the vegetables with great care. He lived in our old cabin and people came to gather there for bushcraft festivals with workshops and campfires and all.
A bunch of young people – but they were very sweet.
Tomas wanted a collective.
Many attempts were made but I guess it didn´t really work out.
He came last night to say goodbye
So last night we talked about the past.
About the visions we once had. About the ideals we held dear.
I heard my husband say
“I have come to distrust people who speak too much about their ideals. They seldom ever DO anything” and he continued
“And if it´s always somebody elses fault, if you never have the balls to take responsibility for your own shit… never do that!”
And we all nodded. I guess it´s something we´ve learned. The blabbering is dangerous.
And then Nina said something about boredom.
“What happens AFTER you´ve emancipated yourself? I guess I´ve felt some kind of boredom and I didn´t expect that”
“You know, darling, you´ve got embrace the boredom. It never leaves. Just like with the sadness and sorrow” and I felt like an elderly lady living in the outskirts, all grey and wounded but alive.
Oh, how we talked last night!
It was the end- but it was such a beautiful ending.
It was such a nice evening.
Nina all curled up on the couch with a cup of tea, Tomas sitting all straight, like a Finn, on the chair.
We ate a loaf of bread. Later the crawled upstairs to sleep in the loft.
You can be a slave of dreams, you know. You can be a slave of ideals and you can be a slave of rigid notions about how you think the world should be. And it´s not.
It´s never what you want. Might be what you need though.
Everything changes. All the time.
This is the only mantra that I have. This is the only truth that I know.
Dreams change too.
We still want community but we, our little family, we are a clan. We can´t disolve ourselves into a collective or a tribe, we can´t be dependent on experiments. This is our life. This is for real.
Social relations matter now more than ever though.
Like with our soul mate neighbours. Old people with old souls. Or the english and the french and their farm right across the lake.
And later today I´m creating a profile on the woofer network.
And things will continue to happen in this forest.
And people will continue to come to our house. Wandering free-spirited people.
And I love them.
I really do.
As for Tomas: he´s heading north now. He holds on to his dream.
There´s a group of people settling down in the forests of Finland, they´ll be living like natives , they´ll be a tribe. Still young people, but sweet people. In tipis.
Nina is heading back home to the Motherland. To finish her education.
I don´t want to post pictures of Nina and Tomas. You should dream about them instead. These kind of people still exist. Remember.
Under the open sky, barefooted dwellers in nature.
This is the sky last night. And early this morning.