Star-dust in your ear. That´s what it is. Tiny little crystals in your inner ear. They help you uphold balance, they regulate your sensation (of your) position in the universe.
Sometimes these crystals can fall lose. And you loose your position in the universe. You fall to the ground. Your eyes darken. You get all dizzy.
It´s called “the crystal disease” and it happened to me just a week after surgery. Once again an ambulance drove the long way down the bumpy forest road. Morphine in my thighs.
It´s crazy. My body is a drama. An opera. I remember how they took me to the basement, bright lights and strange people. It was a subterranean UFO, I´m sure. And then they opened my body. That´s what they did. They cut me open and took out my life-producing organs and here I am, without my life producing organs, uterus, ovarys… all dizzy and modern society freaks me out… as I read the newspapers. Online. In my bed.
Has it really come to this? All that I knew from my childhood is gone…
Let me tell you about my world. My world dosn´t freak me out. Not anymore.
We threw out our material possessions and ran to the forest without knowing shit about shit. We didn´t know how to build houses. We didn´t know how to build a good warm fire. We didn´t know what things to forage, what vegetables to grow. Nothing.
The only thing we knew was that we had to get away. We had to Save Our Souls.
Here we are, one and a half year later. The kids are happy. Free. Capable. Intelligent. My husband is strong. A man in his natural element.
I´m all crystal-disseased but a lot more sane than I ever was. Like my mind and body has finally accepted that the world just spins and spins and spins around…. and I have to find my own fixation points.
You have to find your own.
I am so proud, proud to the bone, as I lay here and listen.
The sound of autumn sun.
The sensation of wooden boards and rooftops.
The smell of wind.
The sense in what we did. And why.
He said (Thoreau): “I came to the woods to live deliberately”
Please live deliberately.
Please do. Focus!
Thanks to our multitalented au pair Christina Jensen for the above pictures.