Today we got a bit of money. We drove to town, bought some fishing gear. We live on the brink of a big beautiful lake, it would be silly if we didn´t fish/free/meat.
Fishing is important. It´s important because of the fish but it´s also important because it´s a break. From the chores. From the building process. From it all.
Driving home through the forest we caught up with the school bus, driving Silas home from school. In Sweden everybody gets a school bus- even if you live in the middle of nowhere and you´re the only child on the bus. They´re really strict about the bus. It´s important to them.
Children are important to them.
Well, he got off the bus and went to the lake with his stepdad.
They did not catch a fish, I guess they are rusty, I guess they have to shake winter off of their shoulders.
I watched them as they stood on our neighbours floating bridge.
Then I was hit by lighting. What the fuck have I been thinking? All this doubt, all this fear, all this bad concience … it is not mine. It does not belong to me. It´s somebody elses norms and values and standards, not mine.
I flex, back and forth but really- the doubt is not mine. It´s always something that occurs when comparing ourselves to somebody else.
This is the perfect paradise for a child. This is the BEST place Silas could grow up. He needs to drive through the forest on his way home from school, he needs the lake, he needs the thyme tea, he needs his stepdad, he needs me.
(to be) Strong enough in our own world.
And so they stood there for a while, in the sun and in the silence.