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The question is this:

We lived for a year in a small cabin while building another cabin, with our bare hands.
We decided to leave those two cabins, not because of their matter but because of their souls.  They were not for us and no matter how much we love the place it was not that place… where we could build a home.

We found another place in the forest. A soulful place, a place that feels like ours.

– but there´s not really anything there. Just a ruin of something that was once a very tiny little farm.

While in-between our neighbour lent us a house, close to the ruin.
This is the house we live in now, a small guesthouse down by the lake.

Pressure is rising. How long can we live like this, for how long can we be temporary?

Fixing Lénsætter will take some months. At least.
To find a real house in Sweden is not difficult, in this area it´s even cheap. And they have big houses here. Nice houses.
Wouldn´t the children be better off? Have we  not lived on the edge for too long now?

I realize how my modern mind is plastered with thoughts of  leaving. It comes natural to me. Always on the hunt, always looking for ways to optimize.
And always scared. What about the children, are we loosers, are we white trash, oh god, these thoughts have been hunting me out here in a way that I have never experienced before.
I´m not that kind of person!

The above image was taken yesterday. Our neighbour took his child and his grandchild out for a summers-first, sailing between the ice floes of the lake. For a moment there everything was black and white. For a moment there was no excuses, no second thoughts, no guessing, no speculating, no analysing, not questioning.
It was black and white. I didn´t even tamper with the camera.

This entry was posted in Blog.

5 comments on “Black and white

  1. Roar Pilevad says:

    Hi Andrea

    As i read your post this evening… my mind was tuning in too your dilemma.

    I guess you are in and endless conflict between mind and heart.

    I’ve been there .. a lot, back when i was in northeast-greenland and was really in serious doubt if i will make it and stand the pressure.

    I learnt quickly that you have to trust your gutsy feeling and fight back any nasty thoughts
    of giving up even though it could seem easy at first glance.

    I will send you and your family my most positive thoughts and hope you will cope with the good spirit and right mindset

    best wishes

    Roar…… i wish i was there


  2. nonadodia says:

    Uanset udfaldet på dine tanker og bekymringer, bliver det aldrig en nem løsning, for som du selv skriver, “always on the hunt” tanker, bekymringer, spekulationer, drømme, ideer, søgen, længsel… Det bor i dig, det bor i mig, det er pisse trææææls, giver rander under øjnene og dårlig søvn. MEN det giver også energi, af den helt særlige slags, som får dig til at vokse, som er en del af din udstrålig og karma. Sæt en fod foran den anden, fortsæt med at stol på dig selv og lyt til stemmen/mavefornemmelsen. Intuition skal man ikke undervuderer! Så skid hul i burde gøre/de andre/bla bla bla, whatsoever. Hvadend valget bliver, gammel hytte, midlertidig hytte, ny hytte, så er det det rigtige. Og det ene udelukker ikke nødvendigvis det andet. You got the love baby!


  3. Charlotte says:

    Stay strong. You yourselves decided beforehand how much pressure you were able to meet. You had a feeling of how much your children would have to stand; against you, society, themselves.

    Staying strong.The stronger person may be the one who changes mind and will. Changing is the most difficult thing to do, as you fully know.


  4. mavricnisvet says:

    I can totally understand you. The trick is, when our mind starts to question things, it seems life can get pretty complicated. But once you decide which way to go, life becomes easier. As if a stone would fall from your heart.

    My experience is, that our mind is very tricky. No matter what we do to be happy, it always finds a way to make us question – is this the right way. To my opining there is no ideal decision. Only bad, good and better one.

    What helps me in this situations it talking to my husband, or my parents, or my friends. Calming my mind with sudarshan kriya and meditation. And of course doing something god and useful for others.

    Hang on!

    Wishing you all the best


  5. Thank you all 🙂
    Seems that life really is a constant river of choices….. I think that maybe, perhaps, in a way we made a choice today. Coming up! 🙂


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