Fairyteller

I´ve never tried anything like this before. I can’t believe it.
I`VE BEEN GIVEN A PLACE TO BE QUIET!!

Couple of month ago one of the revolutionaries asked me about going into the wild as an exit strategy. With all what the world has come to, the culture, the craziness. Evil, evil empire.

Does it help? Is it it possible?
(Yes. No)
Made me think about these last five years, what it has done to us, how we have changed. Walked around myself for a couple of days, trying to be intellectual in my answer, trying to be progressive but this place… man, this place… it made me realize the goodness of fairytales.

This is how it is:

We went into the wild, we did, we did.

Threw out all of our belongings, quit the job, took the children out of school. We wanted to be tribe. We wanted to peel off every illusion until we could see and touch TRUTH.

We wanted to be good, strong, free human beings (with a right to live a life that makes sense) instead of the wrecks we had become.
We wanted to find out what it BASICALLY means to be a human being (fire, water, food, shelter)

So we ran. And we settled. We built a tarpaulin tepee and began taking down trees to build our own log cabin. The children quickly changed. Taking on responsibility. Every night we would sit around the fire and talk. I didn’t know them. Such a heartbreak to realize. Such hard work to heal.

Then came this. Then came that. The war I’ve been mentioning is real.
Every young man or woman can run into the wild, I don’t see the problem, but being a family (especially from a scandinavian culture) makes everything much more complicated – because of the children.

And so the deep dark woods paralysed me. In shock. In despair. In need.
We lived on a stone for ages. Centuries went by.

The dark creatures of the wood crawled into my mind.
That’s when I became “rewilded”
Becoming rewilded means having your human shield destroyed.

I couldn´t find happiness anywhere. I turned all of the stones. I climbed all of the mountains until finally I just sat down on that rock, I gave up, I sat still. Completely still.
Seasons changed around me, I became one with my surroundings…

… that´s why the dragon didn’t see me when it came through the forest. I followed it. I found it´s cave in the mountain.
Red eyes. Heavy breath.
I killed the dragon.
I slayed the dragon.
I found the treasure it had been guarding.
I ate the heart and then I could suddenly hear all of the birds sing.

Then I was guided to this place, a milder place, I was given a house and a barn and hazelnuts. Hills of rowan, piles of blackberry, endless heaps of chanterelle.
I was given peace (I fought for it)
I was given quiet (I called out for it)
I was given riches (I took it, I created it, I made it happen, me, myself)
Life is so weird…

I don´t need to become a product, I don´t need to become a brand. There is peace here. Deep, deep peace. I can do whatever I want.
For a while I didn’t even want to be an author anymore, it would suit me fine, I think, to just be the hunter and the gather that I have become.
Every day I emerge myself into the trees. Every day I bathe in the forest.
Too complicated to deal with the culture (my advice to the revolutionary then was: go under the radar, don’t try and influence mainstream (it will kill you), don´t do it for the money, don’t do it for the ideology )
Running into the wild is not an exit strategy – it is a rite de passage, it is an initiation.
(took me FIVE YEARS, paralysed, in shock, sitting on a stone- can’t be done on a weekend hike).
So do I think you should do it?
Yes.
If you’re ready. If you want to.
I think it makes you stronger. I think it makes you prouder and I think it will make you a better warrior.

I wouldn’t have found happiness if I hadn’t gone into the dark forest… where the wild things are. Wouldn’t have found peace if I hadn´t slayed the dragon.
I am eternally grateful and forever a defender of the forest. It made me who I am… and finally, who I am… is ok.

In old norse mythology gold is metaphor for “spirit”.
You see?
The treasure I found, the gold I am wearing… in the depths of the dark I found my light.

I´ve never tried anything like this before. I can’t believe it.
I don’t know what to do with myself quite yet, maybe I´ll just be a fat farmwife, maybe I´ll shut the fuck up forever but I don’t think so.
This place radiates fairytales. This place is alive, it whispers to me, the land and me are aligned. Finally! It happened!

Allow me to be a bit too much:

and my sword is mighty! and my sword is made of gold! and I will never give up!
(better to die fighting)